Saturday, June 4, 2011


I'm in a slump. I think it's the combination of coming down from the high of finishing my book and being down with a head cold all week. At first I was pretty miserable and slept the days away but now I'm not sick enough to justify being in bed all day, but still feel lousy, which is just making me irritable. I'm ready to rejoin the outside world again.

As for my book, well, it's not really finished. Yeah, I wrote to the end and sent it in but now I'm supposed to be adding to it and changing parts and basically...I haven't. I've sat down a couple times and tried, but I think I made the mistake of giving myself a couple weeks off from writing after my deadline, and now I can't seem to get back into the groove. I know I will, obviously. As soon as my head stops pounding and I stop coughing and my sinuses actually do explode from the pressure building up...then I'll write.

I've been thinking about change and how much I hate it. I always have. Small change is good, things that don't really matter in the whole big scheme of things; things like finally, after almost eleven years of marriage, getting new (to us), beautiful furniture in our family room. Things like that are good change, the kind that makes waking up the next day a little more exciting. But big change...I hate it. I know they say change is good, blah blah blah. And obviously there are times big changes are good. But I have a hard time dealing with it, no matter what it is. Especially if it's not so good, and especially if it deals with relationships. I hate changing relationships. Hate them, hate them, hate them. Why can't people and relationships just stay the same? It hurts too much when they change, a kind of hurt my poor heart can't handle. And before you go freaking out that my marriage is in jeopardy or I'm currently in the middle of some crazy friendship drama...don't. I'm just reflecting on life. Because when you're laid up in bed and staring at the same four walls for four days, you think about things. Not that it matters, I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, which kind of suits me. My dream has always been to start an anonymous blog and just throw it out there in cyberspace and see who finds it, people who don't know me at all in real life. Then I can say whatever I want without the awkwardness of people coming up to me later to ask about it. It's kind of how I've felt lately anyway. Anonymous.

Anyway, now that I've thoroughly depressed you all (all two of you who might be reading this), I'm off to play some more Angry Birds. Sadly, I'm very close to achieving 3 stars on every single level. Heaven, help me.