Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bad headache (continued) today. Come back tomorrow for my review of Eclipse. Sorry! :(

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dear Stephenie Meyer...


It pains me to have to write you this letter, because everyone knows I am an adoring fan and you have been a huge inspiration to me in my writing career. But, as an adoring fan and fellow author, I feel I should let you know how I feel about a certain career move you've made recently, i.e. the novella you felt compelled to write and distribute to the masses called The Short Life of Bree Tanner. First of all, the fact that you call it a novella makes me laugh. I can't hear that word without picturing a dime store Spanish paperback romance novel with a Hispanic Fabio on the cover holding a scantily-clad Penelope Cruz look-alike in his arms.

Secondly, the title of your novella says it all--never was there a shorter life of a character in a novel than Bree Tanner. So short, in fact, that the minor detail of her last name was too insignificant to include. Did you forget? She was in exactly one chapter of Eclipse, not even the whole chapter. And yet you felt she needed an entire book dedicated to her story.

I'm just trying to understand it, Stephenie. Was it that you woke up one morning and decided you hadn't quite banked on the Twilight franchise enough? Or did you realize that the population of the planet had maxed out their obsession with the Cullen family, the hunky werewolf and the whining klutz known as Bella and so you needed to give them another Twilight character to focus their infatuation on? Okaaaay, I can maybe get on board with that, but...why Bree, the newborn vampire who shows up at the very end of Eclipse just in time to get her head ripped off? Why not Mike Newton's mom, or better yet, the bagger at the grocery store? Either character would be just as significant and worthy of their own story as Bree Tanner. I mean, really? Are we supposed to care about how she got changed into a vampire? I hate to ruin it for everyone, but here's a giant spoiler: she gets bit. When, where and under what circumstances? I. Don't. Care. How much don't I care? Well, you offered the novella online for free, and I'm still not gonna read it. Not out of spite, or pride, or any kind of self-respect, but because I am more interested in reading about mold spores or how to fold cardboard boxes than I am about Bree Tanner.

I also can't hep but notice your timing...releasing the book one month before Eclipse comes out in theaters. Which makes me think that your entire reason for writing/publishing/releasing The Short Life of Bree Tanner can be summed up in two words: cha and ching.

In the words of Gallaxhar: lame.


Monday, June 21, 2010

Dear Facebook Users...

Hi, blog. I haven't forgotten about you, I promise. Things have been pretty busy and, well, you're kind of a time suck. No offense. But I vow to do better, because I miss you and I want us to be friends again. So I had an idea to kick off our re-acquaintance. I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately, you see, stuff that is in no way important but in every way worth mentioning, in my opinion. In fact, that's exactly what it is--my opinion, on current hot topics. I've got a lot of them, and I realize this is the best place to get them out. Now, just to warn you, a lot of my opinions are negative and might ruffle some feathers, but, between you and me blog, I don't care. You are, after all, MY BLOG, and are therefore my platform for saying whatever I want. Which is why I love you.
So be prepared this week to be filled with rantings and ravings about whatever is getting me all hot and bothered these days.

To kick it off, here's one I've been working up for a while now. I present to you................................


Dear Facebook Users:

Recently I've joined your cult, and while 90% of the time it brings me immense satisfaction, there are a few things I could definitely live without, things I think you need to know, that maybe you aren't aware of. Such as...

* An arrow pointing to the left and a three do not make a sideways heart. They make an arrow pointing to the left next to a three. And, even if it made a perfect sideways heart, or even a perfect heart going the correct way, every post does not need to include a heart, much less ten.

* I don't like having to guess what your cryptic status updates mean. If I have to comment to ask what it is you're talking about, you can bet I'm already moving on. Things such as "sigh" and "I give up" are not status updates. If I wanted a mystery, I'd go watch Sherlock Holmes again.

* Nobody wants to be told what to post on Facebook, or even asked to re-post something. The worst thing to ever be transferred to the online world is the chain letter, and you've managed to keep it alive and well with your requests to "make this your status update." The beauty of Facebook is to see everyone's original thought for the day (hour?), not one person's cheesy thought posted 15 times by 15 different people.

* I LOVE a good quote, especially a hilarious one. And no one appreciates a good random, meaningless musing now and then more than me. But if that is ALL you have to post, for say...a week? Maybe it's time to give the quote site a rest.

* Which brings me to my next one: You don't have to have a super interesting life to say something even mildly interesting. If all you have to say right then is "Ummmm....." or "Don't really have anything to say..." maybe don't post anything. It's OK. Facebook will still be there when you come back with something worth saying. And if you go to post and all you can think of is a variation of the same thing you have been posting day in and day out (such as, I don't know, how cute your kids are) here are some other suggestions: Likes, dislikes. I find them fascinating. Any opinions on ANYTHING current. Opens up a world of possibilities. Something funny your kids said/did (but this is important--it can't just be something you found funny, but something you're fairly certain other people will find funny too. There's a BIG difference.) There's just a few ideas.

* Do NOT (I repeat, NOT) use someone's wall as your personal soap box, or go off on whatever they posted in their comments. It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to make the person feel like an idiot. You can disagree and still be friends.

* And lastly, but certainly not least, I don't care about the barn you are building in FarmVille, or the magic eggs you found, or that your virtual puppy is starving. In fact, I'm gonna be the one to say it--I despise FarmVille and everything about it. I dream of a Facebook with no updates of pointless, time-wasting games. Of course, it's your prerogative to play them, but do we all have to know about every move you make in your make-believe world? I've never set foot in FarmVille, or PetWorld, or Mafia or any of the super awesome Facebook worlds, but I've been told you can actually select (or more importantly NOT SELECT) to show us all your many, many updates. Be a pal. Don't select. We will all love you for it.

So, Facebook User, those are just some things to consider. MY Facebook experience, if not everyone else's, would be oh so much better if all the offenders of aforementioned transgressions considered not, um, transgressing. Just something to think about.


P.S. I invite my blog readers to agree or disagree with any points on my list, and especially add any I might have forgotten!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Thanks A Heap

Thanks to everyone who voted for Bill! He didn't win :( but we still appreciate all those who tried to help him win. I guess now I have to convince him that if he was willing to let someone else make him over, he has no reason not to let me make him over, am I right?!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Last Chance To Help A Fella Out!

There's only a few hours left to vote for my sweetiepie Bill for the Father's Day Makeover! We really need your help, he needs more votes!! If you haven't voted yet, PLEASE go here and vote for him! We would truly appreciate it. Voting is on the right sidebar and only goes till midnight. Thanks for your help!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Emerald City

Our trip to Seattle last weekend was absolutely perfect. We got there Friday afternoon and went to our hotel, which was fabulous. We were on the 29th of 30 floors. Our ears popped every time we went up or down the elevator. This was the view out our window:

The first thing we discovered was a stocked mini-fridge.

That's when we knew we were at a five star hotel. We've only ever had empty fridges before. Of course I had to inspect each mini bottle of alcohol and pull out the package of Oreos. That was before we discovered the sign that said the fridges had censors and everything taken out was automatically charged to our room. We almost paid $4 for a package of cookies, but luckily the lady behind the counter at the hotel believed Bill's story about this being our first "fancy" hotel and not knowing how things worked. Not our proudest moment.

Then we headed to The Cheesecake Factory, which, we were happy to find, was on the corner of the block opposite our hotel and we could walk. We were already completely disenchanted with big city parking and the epic fees that go along with it. I introduced Bill to Avocado Eggrolls (which I ate, onions and all, after being told you can't get them without them). He loved them, which is funny, since he doesn't eat avocado, tomatoes, or onions. We devoured them, and the rest of our meal. We were too stuffed for cheesecake, my one regret of the trip.

(I think I look like that Lily girl from American Idol in this picture. Either that or the monk in the Pit of Despair from Princess Bride.)

Saturday we woke up and headed to IKEA, our first time ever. Wow. Quite the experience. We went looking for a desk chair for Macy and walked out with *cough* a little bit more. On our way back to downtown Seattle this shot came up and I had to take it, it was so cool.

Then we headed to Pike Place Market.

LOVE it. I took a gazillion pictures and made even more notes for my book. It's really hard to describe the people and energy there. It is so unique. I kept feeling like I was bouncing back and forth between modern day, 90's Seattle grunge, and the 60's. Bill was inexplicably infatuated with all the street performers we came across and made me take a picture of each one, but every time I walked up to get one, I swear was the moment they decided to go on break. So all my pictures of street performers are just random guys sitting there. I thought I'd spare you those. But I found my newest prized possession, a handmade leather bound journal, something I have always wanted.

Then we ate dinner at The Crab Pot down on the pier. Bill had seen it featured on Man Vs. Food on the Food Network and really wanted to go there.

They bring you all this crab, clams, shrimp, oysters, fish, sausage, potatoes, corn on the cob, and such in a huge bowl and dump it out right on your table on butcher paper. No utensils, just mallets for cracking shells. It. Was. Awesome. I'm drooling just remembering it.

We also tried finding where Bill carved our names onto the pier railing ten years ago when we were engaged, but to no avail. (Hey, don't laugh, we found it four years ago when we took the kids there.) Oh, and we may or may not have gotten a parking ticket because Bill may or may not have completely ignored his wife when she said she thought we needed to pre-pay at the parking lot. She may or may not have completely gloated when they saw the yellow paper tucked under the windshield wiper.

Sunday we headed for the Space Needle with the intentions of going up in it. After paying $20 to park two blocks away, we got there and decided we didn't want to so much. So, we walked around as much as possible and tried to make the most of the $20 we were paying to park there, but a kid amusement park and a plethora of souvenir shops didn't hold our interest for long. Resigned to the fact that we just blew $20, we left. But we got some good pictures.

Then we headed back to Pike's Place to get the beloved journal I had talked myself out of getting the day before but couldn't stop thinking about. This was when it started pouring rain, and I loved it. It's not Seattle without rain, and besides, we were leaving that day anyway. One of my favorite memories is standing at the booth in Pike's Place, getting soaked, trying to pick a journal while chatting it up with the guy behind the booth about my book and Seattle. He even gave me a discount, because, you know, I'm gonna be famous one day.

While looking for parking (again) we passed Deja Vu, and since Bill loves to tell people that's where we were going in Seattle, we had to get a picture. If you're not corrupt like my husband and don't know what Deja Vu is (or The Vu, as he likes to call it), you can probably figure it out from the pictures. Yes, we happened to catch the reader board on the word "toys."

Our last stop was the huge Asian market Uwajimaya, where Bill stocked up on all his weird Asian food. (Okay, I like some of it.) We ate lunch in their food court and watched a Nazi cop kick homeless people back out into the rain. Awesome. We drove around trying to find the one that was digging through the garbage so I could give him my leftovers, but he was nowhere to be found. Where are all the homeless people when you need them?

And then we went home. It flew by, but I guess that's what happens when you're having the time of your life. It was absolutely wonderful, and I am SO glad I thought to ask for that for my birthday and SO glad I have an amazing husband who made it happen. Love you Bill!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Vote For Pedro...I mean Bill

I love my husband very much.
He is an amazing husband.
He is an amazing father.
He is an incredibly hard worker.
He is many, many things.

But there is one thing he is not.

Fashion savvy.
(This picture was not a setup.
You can find him wearing this or something exactly
like this on any given day.)
I can say this, because he is the first to admit it.
And he laughs about it.
(Which is one of my favorite qualities about him,
how easily he laughs at himself.)

So when I read about a Father's Day Makeover
over at this blog,
I knew I had to nominate him.

But now I need your help.
Or more specifically, your vote.
If you would like to reward a wonderful person
with something he truly deserves,
then please click here
and vote for Bill L.
(on the right sidebar)

You would make his Father's Day oh so special.
And in the process make me a happy gal.
'Cause, you know, I have to be seen with him.