Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Hello. Long time. It's taken everything in me to drag myself to the computer to write this post but I'm trying to make myself do things I don't necessarily feel like doing so here I go.

I know that in life there are times when it seems you're on top of the world and others where you wish so much you didn't have to get out of bed. Ever. I know that it's supposed to be that way. I know this. Believe me, I've experienced my share of dips in the roller coaster. I'm always prepared for the next dip, always waiting for the bubble to burst. But I'm also always waiting to swing up out of that dip onto the next peak, to be on top of the world again, or even to just plateau to a nice, level happy medium. But what happens when the dip just keeps going? And going? And going........

I am trying. Every day I try. Every day I get out of bed thinking "today's the day. Today will be different. Today I will have energy. Today I will be motivated. Today I will feel useful, and happy, and worthwhile." I even go for a walk first thing in the morning, something I have never done before, not for this long anyway. I've been eating healthy, even losing weight. I've been cleaning my house, and keeping it cleaner than I ever have before. I've been doing hobbies, writing and decorating cakes like nobody's business. I've been keeping contact with the outside world via Facebook and friends. I've prayed. I've read my scriptures. I've started seeing my therapist again.

But every day all I want to do is crawl back in bed and sleep. And sleep some more. And I do. Every day.

It's just one of those dips. We all have them. And this is a big one for me.

I'm not posting this for your pity. Honestly, that's the last thing I want. Please don't ask me how I'm doing when you see me. It will only make me uncomfortable. I'm blogging about it so that I don't have to talk about it in person. This is my therapy, because I can only go to my therapist so often and I'm so much better with words when I don't have to say them. I know I'll swing up and out of this some day. I always do. Just send good thoughts my way. And maybe a prayer or two.