Monday, June 27, 2011

How do you spell stress? D-E-A-D-L-I-N-E.

If I don't have an ulcer by mid July I'll be shocked. I have tried so hard not to make a big deal about it, or talk about it to anyone, because a) everyone bent over backwards for my last deadline to help me so much, and I do NOT want anyone feeling like they need to do anything again, and b) because it's my own stupid fault for being such an idiotic procrastinator. But I'm on the precipice of another breakdown much like the one I had a few weeks before my last deadline and the only way I can think of to untie some of the knots that have been multiplying in my stomach is to just put it out there.


There. One knot down, 48,611 to go.

Another reason why I can't complain? Because most of my stress centers around the fact that my cake side business has suddenly decided to take off. I've waited a year for people to want to hire me to make cakes for them and now it's finally happening--at the exact time I need to be focusing on my book. Exciting? Yes. Horrible timing? Double yes. The universe laughing at me? Absolutely. Of course, had I started working on the edits/additions to my book over a month ago when I first knew about it, I wouldn't be in this crappy position. But, between the end of the school year, Cub Scout Day Camp, and, oh yeah, CAKES, life just didn't offer up a whole lot of time for writing. Now, six weeks after typing The End (figuratively, not literally), I sit down to the computer and think, "What was my story about again?" It's like I've subconsciously blocked it all out, like my brain was traumatized by a novel-writing overload and now shies away from it as a defense mechanism. Just give me one more week, brain. One teeny tiny little week. That's all I ask.

One bright spot on my black canvas of doom? My cover. I saw it. And it is a-mazing. Amazing doesn't even cut it. It's pretty much the best cover in the known world. Honestly, I'm a little worried it trumps my story. At least it'll get people to buy it. But seriously, it thrills me to no end and any time throughout the day that I need a quick pick-me-up (so, hourly), I just look at my cover and life gets awesome.

Are you done listening to me whine and complain about all my dreams coming true at once? Me too. I'm going to bed.

Monday, June 6, 2011


No offense, but I'm loving this no comments thing. I wanted to post tonight and normally I'd think, no, it's too soon after my last post, people will think it's weird, or I'll get almost no comments cause they're too close together. But it doesn't matter, cause I won't get comments at all, and I won't worry about who might think it's weird cause I have no way of knowing who's reading! Ah, it's so freeing! Of course, I'll be honest about missing your comments that can't be made, but recent studies show the probability of comments being made if I allowed them again is very unlikely. However, I have devised an ingenious solution to the problem I've created for that small percentage of readers who might suddenly be overcome with the feeling that they just have to say something. Email! Crazy, right? Just put the title of the post in the subject line and make your comment. Viola! C'est facile! Oh, and my email address, if you don't already have it, is up in the righthand corner under "email." Ah, see that? C'est logique! (don't ask, I don't know why the French). It's a win-win situation for all! I'm not a slave to my comment box, and you don't have to feel like you have to comment, or don't feel bad when you don't. On the other hand, I still get to hear from someone who really, truly has something they want to say, and they get to say it! Everybody's happy. And isn't that the point? To find happiness?

As always I've got waaay off topic and am already sure I've sounded like a babbling idiot at some point during this post. But I think I'm okay with that.

In the next year my life is going to take a complete 180. I am going to be thrown into the social mosh pit against my will and everything else inside me. Either my book is going to be a success, and I'll be doing interviews and book signings and such, or it won't be a hit but everyone who's ever known me will read it and want to talk to me about it. The 180 will occur when I am on that side of the social barrier, out in the world, talking, being social, as opposed to where I am now--this side, the sit at home alone all day in my silent house, the phone ringing maybe twice at best, texting instead of calling if at all possible to avoid human interaction side.

I'm a hermit. I'm totally already on my way to becoming the typical eccentric, shut-in writer. It gets worse and worse for me and I know I need to change. I'm going to be forced to change, as soon as my book comes out! We'll see what happens I guess. I think I may need a life coach to prepare me for this. Anyone up for the task? I guess I should clarify life coach/personal trainer. Let me know if you need a project! (by email, of course!)

Saturday, June 4, 2011


I'm in a slump. I think it's the combination of coming down from the high of finishing my book and being down with a head cold all week. At first I was pretty miserable and slept the days away but now I'm not sick enough to justify being in bed all day, but still feel lousy, which is just making me irritable. I'm ready to rejoin the outside world again.

As for my book, well, it's not really finished. Yeah, I wrote to the end and sent it in but now I'm supposed to be adding to it and changing parts and basically...I haven't. I've sat down a couple times and tried, but I think I made the mistake of giving myself a couple weeks off from writing after my deadline, and now I can't seem to get back into the groove. I know I will, obviously. As soon as my head stops pounding and I stop coughing and my sinuses actually do explode from the pressure building up...then I'll write.

I've been thinking about change and how much I hate it. I always have. Small change is good, things that don't really matter in the whole big scheme of things; things like finally, after almost eleven years of marriage, getting new (to us), beautiful furniture in our family room. Things like that are good change, the kind that makes waking up the next day a little more exciting. But big change...I hate it. I know they say change is good, blah blah blah. And obviously there are times big changes are good. But I have a hard time dealing with it, no matter what it is. Especially if it's not so good, and especially if it deals with relationships. I hate changing relationships. Hate them, hate them, hate them. Why can't people and relationships just stay the same? It hurts too much when they change, a kind of hurt my poor heart can't handle. And before you go freaking out that my marriage is in jeopardy or I'm currently in the middle of some crazy friendship drama...don't. I'm just reflecting on life. Because when you're laid up in bed and staring at the same four walls for four days, you think about things. Not that it matters, I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, which kind of suits me. My dream has always been to start an anonymous blog and just throw it out there in cyberspace and see who finds it, people who don't know me at all in real life. Then I can say whatever I want without the awkwardness of people coming up to me later to ask about it. It's kind of how I've felt lately anyway. Anonymous.

Anyway, now that I've thoroughly depressed you all (all two of you who might be reading this), I'm off to play some more Angry Birds. Sadly, I'm very close to achieving 3 stars on every single level. Heaven, help me.