Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Here's My Thoughts...

You can give me the penny later.

parent/teacher cOnferences: went great
Jasper healed up aNd back to his feisty self

tulips and daffodils blooMing in my yard = happy me
Lego Rock Band being played at mY house pretty much around the clock

new favorite: Siobhan Magnus on American Idol
Feeling better but stIll sooooooo wiped out
watched the making of Eclipse on New Moon DVD; a tad excited now
wishing I had a good book to reaD while I lay around recuperating

my kids growing up way. Too. fast--It makes me ache
excited fOr camping
hanging out with Payson all Day, every day this week. love it
trying not to worry about the heAlth care bill...and failing every time
wishing I could get the storY in my head on paper easier

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Budding Rock Star

Macy has a new favorite hobby: writing down the lyrics to songs so she can rock out in her room. She does the whole play/pause thing over and over again, writing down a few words at a time, until she has the whole thing written down and can sing along with all the words. I have a new favorite hobby too: reading the words that Macy writes down as the lyrics. Of course, I can't do it when she's around because my laughing would probably hurt her feelings. But I'm sorry. Oh. My. Goodness. It's priceless. Here's her latest song deciphered (exactly as written, no corrections made):

Party In The USA
(by Miley Cyrus)

A Hots of a plain in L.A.M. they were dreaming with my car again
welcome to the land of fame x x oh, am I going fit in
jump to the cab for my first time
look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign
this is all so crazy everyone seems so famos
my tumy turns and I feel kind of home sick
who takes my pictior and I kind of feel nervos
is when the taxi man turned on the radio
and a jazzy song was on, a jazzy song was on,
and a jazzy song was on so I put my hands up
playing my song and butterflies fly away
not in my head like yeah,
moving my hipps like yeah,
so I put my hands up
playing my song and yo know I'm gonna be ok yeah
It's a party in the USA yeah
It's a party in the USA
into the bob of my taxi cab
everybodys looking at me now
like who's that chick that's rocking kick
you've gotta be from out of town
so hard that my girls aren't around me
is that deffenely not the national party
cause all I see are celas I guess I never got the cheekas
my tumys turning and I feel kind of home sick
to much pictiars and I'm nervos
is when the D.J.s on for my favrat tive
and the brittny song was on,
and the brittny song was on,
and the brittny song was on
so I put my hands up playing my song
and butterflies fly away
not in my head like yeah
moving my hipps like yeah
put my hands up playing my song
you know I'm gonna be ok yeah
it's a party in the USA yeah
it's a party in the USA
like open on a fly to my home dep denie
something stop every time
the thing I take I feel alive
(repeat chorus)

I haven't been able to bring myself to tell her that back in the OLD days we used to buy CD's at the store and they came with all the words inside! But where would be the fun in that?!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Highs and Lows

Boo for day five of being trapped in this house with sick kids. I forgot what outside looks like.

Yay for getting to sleep in today. (And pretty much every other day this week.)

Boo for cheating rats. I'm so done hearing about yet another celebrity guy who thinks marriage vows don't apply to him. Sandra, you deserve soooooo much better.

Yay for a cat who is using his litter box again! It's ridiculous how thrilled we are every time we see poop in there. It means it's not hiding somewhere else in our house for us to stumble upon at some later date.

Boo for getting sick from my kids. It's criminal. "Here's your payment for being a great mom and nursing your sick kids back to health: a virus!"

Yay for upgrades. We finally did it, after seven years. Finally a DVR for both tv's and being able to record two things at once!

Boo for no Grey's or Survivor this week.

Yay for getting my iPhone to ring again after a month. Double yay!!

Boo for missing ward temple night tonight.

Yay for amazing friends who will drop everything to go to the movies with me so I can get out of this bloody house!

Boo for Kate's second failed marriage. I'm sad for her. Darn you Oscar curse!

And finally, yay for all of your sweet comments. It really made my day. To answer a few of your suggestions, yes, I could take my blog off of Twitter but it kind of seems like too little too late, you know? These people have already found my blog. I can't make them un-find it. So for now I'm going to block anonymous comments (which will only mostly fix the problem. A few of the harsh comments have not been anonymous.) and see if that does the trick. If it doesn't, I'll worry about going private then.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Mean People Suck

I have a dilemma that I am unsure how to resolve.

A while ago I joined Twitter and attached my blog address to my profile, thinking it would be fun to have new people find and read my blog.

I just. had. no. idea. how many new people would find and read my blog. But I loved it. I loved the fact that people were reading and enjoying my blog just because they liked what they read, not because they knew me personally already. But I'm not completely naive. I knew that with the good would come the bad. I knew there was a good chance I would eventually (probably sooner rather than later) say something that someone wouldn't agree with, that would even offend someone. I was prepared for this.

But I found that it became hard to blog, always wondering if what I was saying would offend Joe and Jane Blogger. I knew that even if I wasn't saying anything I believed was remotely offensive, that a lot of people out there could find it so purely because we share different belief systems.

Turns out I was right. (I usually am. :) And it's destroying this whole blogging thing for me. Not because I can't take a little criticism, or because I can't handle someone disagreeing with something I said. It's because every time I go into my email and see another Anonymous comment, my stomach balls into a knot as I wait for it to open. And having people tell me I should be ashamed of myself is not something I handle well. It's one thing to disagree with an opinion. It's another to bash someones integrity and say ugly, hurtful things. It chips away at my soul a little bit each time.

The thing about it is that all the people who read my blog before the whole Twitter invasion know how very joking I am half the time. They know when I intend something I've said to be completely tongue in cheek. They know that when I end a post by offering up my cat, that not even a fraction of me is serious. They know my sense of humor, and (hopefully) appreciate it.

So I can't handle people swooping in, taking every single thing I say literally when I am so obviously joking, and judging me for everything I say. No wait, I take that back. That I can handle. It's the comments telling me so that I can't handle. Because if you don't have the balls to sign your name to a comment, you're too much of a coward to be saying it in the first place.

I have truly enjoyed the comments of those that are kind and appreciative. I have enjoyed the new readers that have made awesome comments that made me smile. I hate that the jerks out there have to ruin it for everybody. Because now I debate on a daily basis whether or not to go private, something I really, really don't want to do. But if it's what will keep me blogging, I will do it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Edward and More Edward

I have a cousin named Aubrey who is awesome. She is beautiful, intelligent, creative, and most importantly, she and I share the same sense of humor. Oh, the bodily function jokes we've shared over the years. We got in trouble for a "joke" once that apparently only we found funny. Good times, good times. Anyway, a while ago Aubrey had a contest on her blog that totally showcases her humor. We were all supposed to come up with the best tag line for this new roll-on foundation (and when I say roll-on, I mean with an actual tiny paint roller. Have you guys heard of this?!). We were pretty clever, I think, and she found us all to be winners. So to pick someone to receive the prize, she picked a number at random and that was me!! I was so excited, and had no idea what I was going to get. When the package came in the mail, I opened it, and burst out laughing. I should have known that Aubrey would think of the perfect prize for me.

I am finally the proud owner of my very own Edward Doll! And the best part about it is that he actually sparkles! If you look closely his skin is iridescent and glitters slightly when you turn him and the light hits it. How cool is that?! I want to do something awesome with Edward. I'm still brainstorming. Thank you Aubrey! I love him it!

Speaking of Edward, did you all see the newly released Eclipse trailer! Can I get a woo-oot woo-oot? (Did you all just picture me raising the roof? Cause I totally was.) In case you missed it and don't feel like going YouTube surfing, I've provided it below for your convenience. I take care of my bloggers like that. You're welcome.

Did you notice the new Victoria? I watched it three times before I realized her face was different and remembered she was being played by a new actress. Weird. Only 3.5 months 'til the eclipse!

P.S. Did you know Blogger spellchecks the word "bloggers" as if it's not a word? That's funny.

Friday, March 12, 2010

"What Are Those Big Balls For, Anyway?" --Macy

It all began with a much-beloved cat

that was named after a goofy-looking vampire.

The much-beloved cat had a problem.
He was bladder-control challenged.
He sprayed. A lot.
It started out once or twice a week.
Then it became daily.
And although he only ever did it in his litter box,
it filtered out into the rest of the rooms,
and soon our house had a permanent smell of ammonia mixed with death.
We could no longer take it.
An appointment was made.
You know, for a little snip snip.
(We weren't positive this would cure the spraying,
but we were optimistically hopeful.)
And while we were at it, a little claw-removal.
My kids were terrified.
Although they had been the recipients of many a gaping claw wound,
they loved this cat more than anything in the world.
After much reassurance, the deed was done on Monday.
We picked him up on Tuesday.
And missing a few vital body parts.
(We had no idea that neuter = castration.)
His paws looked like they had been put in a blender.
His rear end...well, you can probably imagine.
His eyes were goopy from artificial tears they used during the surgery
and made it look like he was constantly crying.
He couldn't walk straight due to the sedation.
He hid under beds, something he hadn't done since he was a kitten.
He growled when we came near him.
He didn't make a peep for three days.

We had to try to keep him from licking his wounds
which proved to be impossible.
So we bought a Cone of Shame.
When we put it on, it was the saddest thing ever.
He just went limp, submitted completely.

Until we put him down, and all heck broke loose.
And it was clear he was going to injure himself more by trying to get it off.
The Cone of Shame was removed.
Finally, we let go. We let him lick. And so far it's been fine.
More and more I questioned what we'd done.
Was it really worth putting him through this just cause of a putrid smell?
Should we have just stuck with the neutering
and bagged the de-clawing?
I didn't know.
But luckily, each day gets better.
He started meowing again.
He started eating and drinking again.
He started trusting us again.
He started spraying again.

Wait, what?
He's still spraying?
And it's where this time?
In our CLOSET??!!
You've got to be kidding me.
This was the ONLY reason we had him neutered.
He doesn't go outside. Ever.
He wasn't going to be impregnating anyone any time soon.
And he's not cuddlier, as was promised.
So basically I just put my cat through hell on earth
(and as a result, all of us),
cut off the poor guy's family jewels,
and paid $170 to have him start spraying his disgusting FUNK
all over my house instead of nice and neat in his litter box like he used to.
Totally FRICKIN' fabulous.

Anyone want a cat?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Oh What A Night

Oh, the Oscars. Every year as I watch I wonder what it is about them that I love so much, and every year I have a harder time figuring it out. I don't really know why. They are superficial, incredibly self-indulgent, and often times painfully awkward to watch, and yet there I am on my couch every March, filled with excitement as the first glammed-up stars make their way down the red carpet. Isn't it great?

Here is my own personal list of Best and Worst of Oscars 2010:


Sandra Bullock's Best Actress Win - For being an actress I once couldn't stomach watching, she sure has made it high on my list of favorites. Although I still have not seen The Blind Side, she says bitterly, I think she deserves it just for being an amazing actress and starring in so many great movies. Her acceptance speech wins my vote for best acceptance speech of ALL TIME, and completely summed up what I love about her: She was emotional, endearing, and funny all at the same time. LOVED IT.

Gabourey Sidibe - When she sat and listened to Oprah's tribute to her with tears streaming down her face, I wanted to cry with her. I loved seeing what she was feeling: a young girl plucked out of obscurity to become this epic star over night, sitting at her very first Oscars, possibly about to win the award for Best Actress (she didn't). I love that she was able to put aside the plastic-y show that all stars encompass at the Oscars and...feel. It was a very real moment.

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin - As co-hosts, these guys had me cracking up every time they were on stage. Their casual banter was soooo much funnier and easier to watch than the put-on, rehearsed jokes that the usual non-comedian hosts do.
Kathryn Bigelow's Best Director Award - Only because I love witnessing history. The first female to ever nab this award, she was shaking like a leaf as she accepted both this and the best picture award (for her movie The Hurt Locker) and was gripping her Oscars like her life depended on it! So sweet.


The Best Actress/Actor peer tributes - Does anyone else HATE these? In theory, it's a swell idea to have someone the actor worked with introduce them. But four minutes of a "peer" gushing over the nominee while the camera parks itself in front of said nominee for the duration is painful!! What ever happened to just good ole"and the nominees are..."??

John Hughes' tribute - Sure, I liked Ferris Bueller's Day Off as much as the next girl, but, seriously? I lot of great people in the movie industry died last year and all they got was a blip on the In Memoriam montage. I was left wondering why this guy deserved so much air time.

Sean Penn - Presenting for something (I can't even remember), he made a confusing, uncomfortable comment that I'm sure if I understood would have been controversial.

Sandy Powell - Accepting her award for Best Costume Design, she began by saying, "I already have two of these." (meaning Oscars.) Hey, Sandy, maybe hide the plethora of Oscars you have, because I know of at least four other people who would gladly bludgeon you to death with them.

And that was my take on the 82nd Academy Awards.
What did you think?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I Hate To Admit...

Some great (and creative) friends of mine, a trio of sisters, have been coming up with genius ideas to blog about lately, and yesterday they invited their readers to join in this one, I think because they knew it was an especially stellar idea that would be hilarious. (At least, theirs were.) So here is my list of things

I Hate To Admit...

*That I read Baby-Sitters Club books until my sophomore year of high school.

*That if my kids wanted to rob a bank and get tattoos to celebrate, I would totally let them if it meant I could extend my nap.

*That I don't really like other people's kids. I've learned to love a few of my kids' friends and a few of my friends' kids, and of course my nieces and nephews, but it wasn't easy.

*That I can count the number of times I've made our bed in our married life on my hands.

*That I average making one dinner a week...and that I am so proud of myself when I meet that quota.

*That I would literally eat dessert for breakfast, lunch and dinner without shame or hesitation if it wouldn't eventually kill me.

*How much I worry about people liking me.

*How many times in a week I try to start eating healthy...and epically fail.

*How much of a chore it is for me to read my scriptures.

*How much of my day is spent counting down 'til the next time I can sleep.

*How much I thrive on other people's controversy and drama.

*That I secretly love the song Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus.

*That I once got two speeding tickets in one week.

*That I dream of one day being a household name.

*How much I love lists like these, and how long I could actually make this list.