It's Christmas time, the time of year when you give that extra little bit of love and kindness to your fellow neighbor, when everyone is cheerful and in the giving mood, relishing the spirit that comes from such a glorious holiday.
Apparently this doesn't apply to the customers of WalMart. See, what a decent human being does when witnessing a poor, frail little person (please keep all remarks about size to yourself) trying to fit a giant box into her space-challenged mini van is offers to help. Clearly the patrons of WalMart last night missed Common Decency 101 class in the pre-existence.
So I go to WalMart last night to buy my husband the one thing he asked for for Christmas: a ginormous tool box for the garage. I had to get the biggest one they sold, because that's what he wanted. I was there by myself, and I thought for sure I'd need help from a sales clerk to even get it off the shelf. I did a test slide to see how heavy it was, and was surprised to find it was much lighter than I thought. I slid the huge box off the shelf (thank goodness it was the bottom shelf) onto the floor, and then looked at my shopping cart. It was luckily not too big to lay across the cart, but it was a matter of getting the thing up there. Fortunately for me, there was a Bill Gates look-alike standing just a ways down the aisle from me studying torque wrenches. (Between you and me, I'm fairly certain he was standing there trying to look manly, but secretly wishing he could have been shoe shopping with his wife.) Realizing it was him or nobody, I politely asked if he could help me. He obliged, and thanks to what can only be a miracle, the two of us got the box on the cart.
I had no problems with the box at checkout, the cart was almost the same height as the conveyer so I just slid it over and then back on my cart.
Then I get to my van. Somehow, I manage to get the box off my cart onto the ground. Okay, now where to put it?
Not a problem, it will go nicely in the back.
Nope, two huge boxes containing the kids' trampoline/side enclosure were still there from Black Friday.
Okay, I'll slide it between the front bench seat and the two front seats.
What I failed to remember is how retarded our van is when it comes to storing anything. It's a challenge to fit two bags of groceries in there, let alone a box the size of a small swimming pool.
Wedging myself between my van and the car next to me, I was barely able to lift it up onto the footstep of my van, and then up onto the floor of my van, and began to slide it into place.
I could almost hear my van laughing at me, "You idiot woman, you really think that's gonna go there?"
So now it's in limbo. It won't go forward, and I'm holding it to keep it from falling backward.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "It would be really nice if a strong man walked by right now and offered to help. I'd even take Bill Gates' clone. Or a big-boned woman. Anyone!"
I can hear a man and woman talking two cars away. He's standing outside his car sucking on his cig, just chattin' it up with what I can only assume is his common-law wife, who's sitting there applying her Wet n' Wild Pink Passion lipstick.
Oh, what's that? You're fighting about which tailgate party to crash? I NEED HELP HERE!!!!
I realize I can get it in if I can slide my passenger seat forward. One problem: I can't let go of the box to do so.
Then, a nice-looking lady walks by. I breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, some help.
She takes one look at me, laughs, and keeps walking. I kid you not. Are there really people like that? I thought people were only that heartless in movies. Oh, do you find this funny, lady? Well, I hope you get kicked in the head by a reindeer.
So I am forced to shimmy the box down onto the ground once more. So now it goes: car next to me, me, huge box, my van, all squished together. I slide my front seat forward, muster every last bit of strength and energy in me, lift the box back up into my van, and slide it perfectly into place.
This whole escapade lasted one half hour. Of me, standing in the parking lot of WalMart, in the freezing cold, without a coat, making a fool of myself. Are you telling me that in that half hour not one person saw me struggling and thought they might help? That is exactly what happened, my friend.
So to all the jerks last night at WalMart who failed to show their Christmas spirit by offering to help me, I say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and you know exactly where you can shove that lump of coal you'll find in your stocking Christmas morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment