So, my friend Kim asked me if I wanted to go walking today. This worked out perfectly, since it was Monday and of course "the diet started today." I was determined to eat healthy today and exercise would fit right in with my determination to lose weight.
We decided to walk at the mall because it's warm inside. I have never walked at the mall, but I figured, walking is walking.
Nope.
My first problem was that I could have sworn I heard Kim say that three laps around the mall was one mile. See, the way my brain works when it comes to numbers is I don't remember detail or order. So what my brain chose to retain was the number three. That's it.
So we get to the mall, each with our strollers, raring to go, and I start walking brisquely at my usual "walking" pace, meaning, the quick pace I always use when I'm walking to exercise. That's when Kim turns to me and says, "Okay, you ready to speed walk, like, fast walking?"
Uh, crap. This is my speedwalk.
Not wanting to hold Kim back I say, "What's your normal speedwalking pace?"
Kim takes off and two strides later is several feet in front of me.
Um, this is not good.
Trying to come up with a way to make this work and save myself at the same time, I pointed out that my legs were quite a bit shorter than Kim's, and she immediately said, "No problem, we can totally go at your pace."
Well, of course I didn't want to be the reason that Kim had to waste a perfectly good walking session by going at a snail's pace, so I started walking as hard and as fast as I could. My little legs have never moved so fast.
We started down by the movie theater. By the time we were in front of Macy's I was gasping for air and blinking to keep the sweat out of my eyes. Kim is chatting away, her voice totally normal.
Kim: "So then I decided to....."
Oh my gosh my ankles are on fire!
Kim: "and then the funniest thing happened..."
That pain in my chest and down my left arm, that can't be good, right?
Kim: "and I couldn't believe that..."
Keep nodding and smiling and maybe she won't know that your body is going numb.
Two laps around the mall later I begin to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Only one more to go, I can totally do this. I will spend the rest of the day dead on my couch, but I will make it throught this last lap.
And that's when Kim said, "Yeah, we figured out that five laps around the mall is three miles, so let's get some water before our last three laps."
Did she just say three miles? Three miles??!! That was the "three" that I heard, miles?! How could I have been so stupid?
But of course I was not about to be the reason that Kim had to stop early, and besides, you know how you hear about people who are subjected to torture or cruelty or anything else horrible for a long period of time and they sort of go into shut-down mode and their body becomes like a robot and just kind of goes on its own? Well, I had reached that point. I don't know how my legs were still moving, but they were. Somehow I made it through three more laps around the mall. The last three laps were kind of a blur, but I remember Santa saying something to us about "gettin' a lot of laps in."
So, I can't bend my ankles, I pulled something in my left hip, and I had a nightmare during my loooong nap today that I was running on a treadmill that wouldn't stop and Santa was standing there with his reindeer whip saying, "Three more! Three more!"
I think the diet and exercise will resume again next Monday.
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