Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Dip

Hello. Long time. It's taken everything in me to drag myself to the computer to write this post but I'm trying to make myself do things I don't necessarily feel like doing so here I go.

I know that in life there are times when it seems you're on top of the world and others where you wish so much you didn't have to get out of bed. Ever. I know that it's supposed to be that way. I know this. Believe me, I've experienced my share of dips in the roller coaster. I'm always prepared for the next dip, always waiting for the bubble to burst. But I'm also always waiting to swing up out of that dip onto the next peak, to be on top of the world again, or even to just plateau to a nice, level happy medium. But what happens when the dip just keeps going? And going? And going........

I am trying. Every day I try. Every day I get out of bed thinking "today's the day. Today will be different. Today I will have energy. Today I will be motivated. Today I will feel useful, and happy, and worthwhile." I even go for a walk first thing in the morning, something I have never done before, not for this long anyway. I've been eating healthy, even losing weight. I've been cleaning my house, and keeping it cleaner than I ever have before. I've been doing hobbies, writing and decorating cakes like nobody's business. I've been keeping contact with the outside world via Facebook and friends. I've prayed. I've read my scriptures. I've started seeing my therapist again.

But every day all I want to do is crawl back in bed and sleep. And sleep some more. And I do. Every day.

It's just one of those dips. We all have them. And this is a big one for me.

I'm not posting this for your pity. Honestly, that's the last thing I want. Please don't ask me how I'm doing when you see me. It will only make me uncomfortable. I'm blogging about it so that I don't have to talk about it in person. This is my therapy, because I can only go to my therapist so often and I'm so much better with words when I don't have to say them. I know I'll swing up and out of this some day. I always do. Just send good thoughts my way. And maybe a prayer or two.

10 comments:

Shayla said...

It's your constant positivity that I admire, Alicia. I know that sounds funny after a post like this, after the way you feel right now. But the truth is, no matter how crappy you're doing, or how many times you fall down, you're always ready and knowing that it will get better soon. That, I admire. I give no pity, as I hate getting it myself. BUT, I do want to say I wish you didn't have to be going through this. I wish I could fix it. All those things I *know* you wish for me. Take those naps. Let go of the guilt. Let yourself be. Love you lots!

lindsay said...

Isn't life hard sometimes?! It sounds like you've been busy and doing some really great things with your time. Sorry to hear you are having one of those dips. I'm sending good thoughts your way right now :)

Washington Rimmasch Family said...

I am really glad you posted. I have missed seeing you in my reader since that’s the only place I do see out cause I don't get out ya know:) Anyhow, I love Love your cakes and I am so impressed you have come so far so quickly. I always knew you were creative and talented but you seem to be that way in everything you try and I think that is so unfair. J/k you are really talented. I hope you are thinking of making up cards and doing a little side business because you would rock it. As for the dip, just think of it this way at least now you have the time during the day to do whatever it is you need to do and you should- guilt free just like Shayla said. I know I’ve said this a hundred times but one day I am going to be a real friend and call or something face to face(ish). Until then sending you happy thoughts because that’s all I gots about ya.

{ bRee } said...

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Adolf Adolf who?
Adolph ball hit me in de mowf. Dat's why I dawk dis way.


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Easter.
Easter, who?
The Easter Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna, who?
Anna nother Easter Bunny!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Moira. Moira, who?
Moira Easter Bunnies.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Howie.
Howie, who?
Howie gonna get rid of all these Easter Bunnies

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock, knock jokes!

Okay I will! Alicia you are awesome, and that is all I am going to say so there thhhhpppptttt!

Noelle said...

keep on chugging.

melissa mae said...

Alicia, I know how you feel. I feel like I've been in a dip for 6 months. Life can be so rough. I love you so freakin much and you are in my prayers!

Brenda said...

Alicia....are you ok?

MARISA said...

Hey there! I see you every mon, wed, friday morning when you take your kids to school. Usually you are at the light by Chiawana school. Next time I'll honk! So if you see a wild-haired crazy lady in a blue mini van honking at you, it's me! I miss your posts and especially your Hollywood posts...remember those? It's been a while, just sayin....:)

Vanessa said...

Hi Alicia,
I just saw this. Since it is a few weeks old, I hope the dip is over. I will do my best not to ask when I see you. Good Thoughts are headed your way!

a {girl} in a {gorilla} suit said...

I think your awesome! I hope you are feeling better. :)