Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Ambien Express

Yup. It's 1:42 am, I'm laying in bed awake with my phone, and I took my sleeping pill almost two hours ago. You know what that means! You're about to take a ride on the Ambien Express right into Crazy Town. I'll be your conductor, engineer, all that good stuff. So climb aboard and keep your arms and legs inside the moving vehicle at all times. Enjoy your ride.

Speaking of trains, I'm reading a book about a train. Well, it's not so much about a train as it is an elephant and the pretty lady who rides her and the young college drop-out-turned-circus roustabout who falls in love with her. (the pretty lady, not the elephant. Although--little known fact alert--Robert Pattinson wasn't too keen on playing the main character Jake in the movie adaptation until he saw and fell in love with the elephant he'd be working with. Just a little movie trivia for y'all) Anywho, here's the thing!! I'm pretty sure they completely bloglifted my idea for this story! Ring any bells? Maybe this will refresh your memory:

Rudolfo's sobs could be heard from the trapeze. Ever since Absiddy's confession, he had been beside himself. How could she do it? Renesmee was his sister. Despite her big hair and freaky voice, he loved her. She was the only sister he had. He had been traumatized enough when he'd heard of the freak avalanche that had taken her life while on vacation in the Bahamas, and now to learn that not only was she murdered, but at the hands of his beloved Absiddy! It was just too much. He had to get away.
Putting his unicycle in his pocket, he stalked out of the big top and whistled for Poopsie, his elephant. Climbing on, he patted her head and said, "Well girl, I guess it's just me and you from here on out." With a broken heart and black face paint streaking his face, he headed toward the highway, thoughts of revenge filling his brain. With one last glance over his shoulder toward the tent that had been his home for almost a year, he started on his journey.
He had no idea where to go. Somewhere he was needed. Somewhere he would belong. Somewhere with warm weather and a TGIFridays. Suddenly, he knew exactly where to go. With a new found hope, he turned Poopsie westward. He only hoped Celine Dion could use him in her act.


YeH, just a little too "coincidental" if you know what I mean. I should at least get in on some of these royalties, or at the very least a kiss from Rpatz. See, I'm not unreasonable. I'm willing to negotiate.

Okay, but in all seriousness, I am loving this book. Old time circus life has always intrigued me, and I love the writing. Simple, easy to follow, written like people normally talk, but still amazing writing. The downside is there's been some pretty naughty parts. Well, only one so far but I'm fairly certain more will come. It sucks cause I love the book! If they could just leave out the raunch...oh, in case you haven't caught on, I'm referring to the book Water For Elephants, soon to be a major motion picture starring Reese Witherspoon and the aforementioned Rpatz. (That's Robert Pattinson to the layman) I'm pretty sure the movie's gonna be rated R and I will cry.

I got a new phone today, through no fault of my own. I was trying to do a good deed and make my husband's dream come true, and it completely backfired on me and what do I get? A brand new phone. I know, right?? So here's the whole heart-wrenching story that for some inexplicable reason I'm going to tell in a caveman/broken English way. Just roll with it. Boy need smart phone. Boy have new busy calling at church. Boy think time to join 21st century. Boy research. Boy say AT&T better. More plan, less money. Also, contracts not over six more months. Girl say AT&T crap. Girl counting down days Verizon get iPhone. It is dream for her. She will wait six long month to finish contract with crap provider even. But boy want phone now. Girl want boy be able have new phone. Much debate ensues. If boy get phone now with AT&T eligible upgrade, girl also have stay with boy at AT&T or pay double if separate. Girl's Verizon dream slip from fingers, to make boy happy, have nice new phone. So boy and girl go AT&T to upgrade. Evil monsters at AT&T say "just kidding upgrade. Not eligible even though we tell you last month you eligible today. Boy and girl very angry. They shake fists and gnash teeth and storm out never return. Boy sad. Girl sad for him. Then girl has idea! "we go Verizon. We pay AT&T kiss-off fee. We make switch, girl get Verizon, boy get new iPhone 4 he dream long time of. Boy and girl go speak nice people in Verizon. They say, you come us. We give good plan. We give new iPhone 4 for fraction of price. But to girl they say, you have to have new phone. No can use old phone here Verizon. You have new iPhone 4. Everyone happy. We do happy phone dance, much like rain dance but drier. Now boy have dream phone, girl have dream phone, both have good network provider not crap, Verizon have business and AT&T are cry very much they miss us. Everybody wins! And that's my story of how my selfless thinking scored me a new iPhone. See? Thinking of others does pay off. In the form of the hottest new technology.

It's 3:00. I really should wrap this up. Tomorrow, if I actually remember, I'll do a real Teaser Tuesday, with an actual exerpt of my book. And one day in the near-to-distant future I'll post the last of my cakes. Okay. There you have it. We've reached the station, the Ambien train has come to a stop and is shutting down for the night. Hope you had a wild and crazy ride like I did. And no I will NOT be sleeping with my phone tonight, why do you ask?

7 comments:

NaDell said...

I like your short sum-up of your new phone situation. What's Bill's new calling?
You don't have a newborn. You should sleep better than me. =) I'm sure that's frustrating.

Rachael said...

Why I love you talk that way? Congrats on the phone, maybe someday I'll have a phone that isn't cracked and giving my fingers and face glass slivers. One of these nights I might have to take s ride on the ambient train. But not as passenger if you know what I mean...lets hang out already

wv-makar:You makar good story

Shayla said...

It's amazing to me that even in the face of losing valuable customers, AT&T still won't do anything for you to keep you. They really are as bad as everyone says. Hope Verizon treats you much better. Jealous of both of your new iPhones... We're both going through sleep issues, obviously. I just got up for the day about an hour ago after not sleeping much last night. On the other hand, I'm not on Ambien either. Apparently, what they say about it being addictive and losing its potency over time is true? Maybe I don't want anything stronger than what I'm already doing. That said, not sleeping at night when you should be...sucks!

Alicia said...

NaDell, he's the Elder's Quorum pres.

a {girl} in a {gorilla} suit said...

Seriously! I walked by that book at Costco the other day and I totally wanted to buy it. But then I thought I'd ask YOU if YOU'VE read it first.

Can I borrow it when you're done? I'll give you a sticker for sharing if you do...

Alicia said...

Ugh, Marcy, that's the major downside to reading books on my kindle app: they're all on my phone. :( sorry! But I'll definitely tell you how I felt about it, and to what degree the naughtiness is taken. I have a feeling it might be far. Boo.

Alison said...

Alici, you're the only person who's long posts make me do my own little happy dance. Usually I groan and skim or skip.