Sicko

Oh, how I love to be sick. It's not very often that I get this kind of sick; the kind that is actually something you can catch from someone else and isn't just some kind of unexplained "don't feel good." I woke up yesterday morning with a slight sore throat. By mid-day it was more than slight. By evening it was making my head ache. (Which was extra fun preparing for a house full of Bunco friends.) This morning I woke up...and rolled over and went back to sleep. All day. This isn't unheard of for me, but at least this time I had a valid excuse to do so. I finally forced myself out of bed at dinnertime and now I'm sitting here wishing I could go back to bed, but even sleeping doesn't feel good anymore. My throat hurts, my head hurts, and it feels like someone is pumping air into my head. Good times, good times.

But Bunco was fun, even hosting it, which always stresses me out big-time. I can never relax enough to enjoy the game. Am I moving it along too fast? Am I going too slow? Is my house too hot? Too cold? Is my cat rubbing up against people's legs and I'm totally oblivious to it? (I sometimes forget that not everyone is a cat-lover like me, and that, in fact, there are some people--shocking as it may seem--that actually hate cats. Go figure.) But all went well. My fellow Bunco players raved about my dinner (tortilla soup, my absolute fave), my new home decor they hadn't seen since I'd switched it out, and, as always seems to be the case when I host for some bizarre reason, I won High Score, the biggest prize you can win at Bunco. ($20 gift card to Target, holla!)

Now my hubby is at basketball and I have to decide if I want to curl up on the couch and watch something good or get in the bath and finish my book for book club, which is always something I love to do when I'm not feeling good. But that would mean having to clean my bath first, so...looks like watching something it is.

Memory Lanes

Today we took our kids bowling for the first time ever. It was one of those things that made me feel like I could put on my "Good Mom" badge, even though the whole thing was Bill's idea. Today was the last day of his 10 day vacation and he wanted to spend it doing something fun. So bowling we went. It was definitely pricier than I'd thought it would be, but I have to say, it was totally worth it. The kids had a blast, and, frankly, I'd forgotten about my stellar bowling skillz.

"Take a picture of our hideous shoes." --Macy

That's right. I pretty much rocked the lanes. I took a picture of the scoreboard after our first game but it was too tiny and blurry to show the multiple X's across the board and the final score of 140, which happened to be the highest number on the screen. Hidden talent? You could say that.

I think the best part, though (besides beating Bill), was watching Payson try and chuck the ball that was bigger than him down the lane. It was priceless. It only flew out of his hand on the back swing twice. And I must have passed on my bowling genes to Macy, cause she got the hang of it really quickly. I nicknamed her the Spare Queen, cause she got one almost every time (with the aid of the bumpers, but, still.) All in all, it was an awesome time that I will always treasure.

Now I am in full panic mode because I am hosting Bunco at my house tomorrow night and my house isn't clean (that was my idea of what we should do today), I have no groceries, no idea what to make for dinner, no prizes, no idea what to even do for prizes. I usually give myself two full days to get ready for Bunco. Tomorrow promises to be insane. Wish me luck.

Apparantly Surfing Movies Make Me Cry

The first day of 2012 went fairly well. I woke up at the crack of dawn to be to church by 8:30. (1 week down, only 51 to go) I embarrassed myself by sleeping through the second half of the first hour like I knew I would, and then I spent the last two hours chasing around five toddlers as opposed to 17, which was, needless to say, fabulous. Then I came home and took a nap for a length of time that I am neither proud of or going to disclose. (New Year's Resolution #4: Sleep less = FAIL) I woke up to the smell of frozen lasagna baking in the oven that my amazing husband threw in for me so I didn't have to wake up (even though I was weeeeeell past the time that I should have) and had a yummy family dinner, after which we decided to watch Soul Surfer, which Macy got for Christmas.

This is where my day took a bizarre turn. I had heard that the movie was good. Really good. Clean, feel-good, inspiring. What I wasn't told was that it would inexplicably become the third movie I would ever cry during. Literally. The third. And I didn't just well up and squeeze out a tear or two. I cried. And cried and cried and cried. And when I wasn't actually crying my eyes were burning, tears hovering on the brink just waiting for the next emotional moment to send them over the edge. And then I was crying some more. I have no idea why. There was just something about this girl, experiencing one of the most tragic, horrific things imaginable (getting her arm bit off by a shark, for those of you who don't know what Soul Surfer is about) and just going back out there, trying her hardest to continue to do what she loved most in the world. Now, I know there are 6, 394 other "don't give up" movies out there with the exact same message, and, if I'm being honest, I usually can't stand them. I find them incredibly cheesy and I hate being made to feel emotional. (Don't tug at these heartstrings, they are un-tugable.) But when this girl's arm disappeared down a shark's throat and she's paddling one-armed to shore in shock, she's muttering a prayer, over and over. And something about that--her faith--hit me hard, and for the rest of the dang movie, I was a blubbering mess.

I want that kind of faith. I want to know that if I'm ever out surfing and a shark attacks me and rips off my arm (highly probable), that instead of screaming my head off and thrashing around, I pray. She was such an example to me. If you haven't seen this movie, see it. Besides the message of faith, it also stresses family togetherness, positivity, service, and forgiveness. Seriously, I can't say enough good things about it. Oh, and as a bonus, it takes place in Kauai, Hawaii, where Bill and I will be in June!!! So excited.

Now the day is over but thanks to my lengthy nap, I'm on the opposite side of the world from tired. Thank goodness for iPhone games.

Day 1, 2012: success.

So Long, 2011

This is the background on my phone right now. There are no words for how much I love it.

According to urban legend, this may well be the last New Year's Eve we ever celebrate. I could stop and think about this for a while, and let the anxiety run its course until I find myself curled up in the fetal position muttering things like "water supply" and "food storage," but instead I will opt to move on and think of happier things. Like a new year looming in the very near distance, bringing with it a chance to throw out things in my life best left behind, and a chance to introduce some much-needed things that have sadly been missing from it. I'm not going to list what these things are. This is not a resolution post. History has proven that if I speak it, or write it down, it will inevitably crash and burn a painful, fiery death. Call me superstitious, or call me smart (both are accurate, in my opinion). Or better yet, text me. Either way, mums the word. I'm not declaring my resolutions this year, but I have made them, and I'm very excited to begin bettering myself.

Okay, maybe this is a resolution post. But not that kind. I resolve not to set myself up by revealing what I've resolved to do. Otherwise I may as well call it a list of things that will most definitely not happen in 2012.

There is one thing about 2012 that I can talk about, though, because it is incapable of being jinxed. It will happen, no matter what I do or say: 2012 may just be the biggest year of my life, with the obvious exceptions of 1979, when I was born; 2000, when I was married; 2001, when I had my daughter; and 2003, when I had my son. It will undoubtedly make the list of top five, and, if the doomsday-ers are correct, and 2012 is the last year we'll be here, then let's just say I'll go out with a bang.

In April my book will come out, and that is a fact. And after that...I have no idea. I have no idea how it may or may not change my life, and that giant question mark is no small amount of exhilarating. I love the unknown, at least about this. I can't wait to see where my little ol' book will go, or not go. Maybe I'll be the next Stephenie Meyer, and within a few years I'll be a household name and my book will be made into a movie and my husband can quit his job because of the millions I'll be making. Or maybe it will only be read by my friends and family and a handful of others and that'll be that. And that will be fine with me. Because all I need is to see my book, with my name on the cover, sitting on a shelf in some bookstore, and I can die happy. But no one knows. And I love that. What an exciting year 2012 will be.

So goodbye, 2011. 2012, I welcome you with open arms.

Heck Yes, I'll Blog

So my sweet sister told me on Christmas that my blog was calling my name, demanding my attention. I thanked her graciously then politely informed her that my blog was the only one missing my presence in the blogosphere. Her response showed the wisdom I've always admired in her. She said, "So what. Write anyway. Write a little bit each day and pretty soon people will start reading again, and maybe, hopefully, even commenting again." (This coming from the woman who deleted her own blog after about five posts in as many months.)

"IF YOU WRITE IT, THEY WILL COME."

That's basically what she was saying. And I realized she was right. And even if she's not, I don't care. I want to write, and I want to write every day. One of my very besties made it her New Years Resolution last year to blog every day of 2011. (Less than a week to go Rach!) While she didn't quite make it every single day, for the most part she did it and it was awesome. At the time I thought she was crazy but now I'm doing what I do best which is eating crow and doing something I said or at least thought to myself I'd never do. Hopefully this resolution fares better than my own ambitious one last year, the No Sugar For a Year project that was doomed before it began.

Anywho, I'll be here, most days, jotting down a thought or two (or ten or twelve) and basically saying whatever the heck is on my mind. Cause that's the beauty of blogs, and that's why I started this thing in the first place 5 years ago. If you feel so inclined, stop on by and pay me a visit. Maybe drop me a note in the comment box if you feel like making my day. Or not. Whatever. I'll still keep writing, regardless. I may even throw in a picture or two sometimes, if I'm feeling fancy. Who knows? It might get crazy up in herr.

But now I must sleep. And by sleep I mean read for another hour.

A Greater Power

Lately it feels like life is spiraling out of control. For awhile it was just because I was so busy, busy, busy finishing my book, but now it's more like things are constantly happening in the world around me that I have no control over, reminding me just how much this life is not ours, but our Heavenly Father's. It's hard for me to think about, that it's His hand allowing all these things to happen, unimaginable things, but I try to have faith that He knows what He's doing, that there's a reason for it all.

I've struggled lately, for a few months now, with a hot bed of not-so-pleasant feelings, primarily numbness towards things I should care about and anxiety, which has peaked to levels it's only been at before when I was pregnant and hormonally crazy. I didn't know why it was, but it was scary. Really scary. To the point where I was scared to leave my house. I went to a new doctor who determined that one of my meds was all wrong for me, and the other had simply run its course after 11 years. Stopping both of these cold turkey and starting two new meds in the same week my final book revisions were due sent my anxiety levels through the roof. I was certain the med changes would make me sicker than a dog, despite the doctor's insistence it would not. He told me to be optimistic. My mom told me to have faith. I tried both, and learned a great lesson in trusting in the Lord and in doctors. I was mildly nauseous and a little drugged-feeling for about a week, but nothing I couldn't handle. And I finished my book, days before schedule.

Throughout all of this, which is and always has been (and will undoubtedly always be) MY trial in life, I have been repeatedly humbled to witness the trials that others are going through. I know everyone has their own trials, and something that can seem minor to one person can be another person's Gethsemene, so to speak. I truly, truly believe this. But I also believe that there are some people in this world whose trials are more than anyone should ever have to bear, more than what most people could ever dream of handling. And as I hear of their suffering, I realize the only term to describe the way I feel is "heavy-hearted." When I think of these precious spirits going through these nightmarish physical ordeals, and the pain and anguish their loved ones must endure watching them go through it and having no knowledge of what the future may bring, I feel a pit in my stomach and a weight in my chest that I know is but a fraction of what they are feeling.

It makes me feel guilty, for spending so much time lamenting my own problems, so minor in comparison. It makes me grateful, that I do not have to go through such a baptism by fire. It makes me grateful for the perspective it provides, for the slap-in-the-face-get-over-yourself wake up call it gives me that I so badly needed. It makes me feel helpless and desperate feeling, that I can't do anything for them, and it makes me grateful, for once, to know that I'm not in control, something that has almost always caused me anxiety. It's these times when I NEED to know that someone much greater than me is in charge, and that through Him, it will all be alright.

I feel so blessed to have the knowledge that I have, and that those I know of that are suffering have it too. It is this, I know, that will get them through their trials, just like it will get me through mine.

Emerald City

My book, Emerald City, is officially available for pre-sales at Amazon.com!
Set for release in April 2012
Go check it out here.
And find it on Goodreads here.

Only six short months away!!!