I have a dilemma that I am unsure how to resolve.
A while ago I joined Twitter and attached my blog address to my profile, thinking it would be fun to have new people find and read my blog.
I just. had. no. idea. how many new people would find and read my blog. But I loved it. I loved the fact that people were reading and enjoying my blog just because they liked what they read, not because they knew me personally already. But I'm not completely naive. I knew that with the good would come the bad. I knew there was a good chance I would eventually (probably sooner rather than later) say something that someone wouldn't agree with, that would even offend someone. I was prepared for this.
But I found that it became hard to blog, always wondering if what I was saying would offend Joe and Jane Blogger. I knew that even if I wasn't saying anything I believed was remotely offensive, that a lot of people out there could find it so purely because we share different belief systems.
Turns out I was right. (I usually am. :) And it's destroying this whole blogging thing for me. Not because I can't take a little criticism, or because I can't handle someone disagreeing with something I said. It's because every time I go into my email and see another Anonymous comment, my stomach balls into a knot as I wait for it to open. And having people tell me I should be ashamed of myself is not something I handle well. It's one thing to disagree with an opinion. It's another to bash someones integrity and say ugly, hurtful things. It chips away at my soul a little bit each time.
The thing about it is that all the people who read my blog before the whole Twitter invasion know how very joking I am half the time. They know when I intend something I've said to be completely tongue in cheek. They know that when I end a post by offering up my cat, that not even a fraction of me is serious. They know my sense of humor, and (hopefully) appreciate it.
So I can't handle people swooping in, taking every single thing I say literally when I am so obviously joking, and judging me for everything I say. No wait, I take that back. That I can handle. It's the comments telling me so that I can't handle. Because if you don't have the balls to sign your name to a comment, you're too much of a coward to be saying it in the first place.
I have truly enjoyed the comments of those that are kind and appreciative. I have enjoyed the new readers that have made awesome comments that made me smile. I hate that the jerks out there have to ruin it for everybody. Because now I debate on a daily basis whether or not to go private, something I really, really don't want to do. But if it's what will keep me blogging, I will do it.