Wednesday, April 28, 2010

High School

Do you ever stop and think about your life and where you're at now and realize with disgust that you're still in high school?

Obviously, I don't mean literally.

Lately I've been thinking about my life and the people around me and realizing with sadness that nothing's changed. It's like high school never ended.

We are all still competing to be the most popular. To be the one with the funniest blog, or the most friends, or the cutest decorated house or the best kids. We are all still vying to be BFF's with the It Girl--you know the one, the one that EVERYONE wants to be friends with--and all still secretly loving when She talks bad about another one of her BFF's. We are all still wanting everyone to be thinking about us, focused on us, be the center of attention. Hello, Blogger, Facebook and Twitter--look at me!

At 30 years old I thought I would be an adult. I think back to my mom at 30 and she was a full-on grown up. She had it totally together, 100% mom, no friend drama, no problems, nothing but the joy of raising her kids. And then I turned 30 and realized I had no clue back then. My mom was just like me at 30, and 30 is in no way a mature age.

So when does it happen? What's the magic age where we stop caring what everyone thinks about us? Where we stop feeling the obsessive need for everyone to love us? Where we are so self-assured that we can go to the grocery store with no makeup on and not feel the need to blog about it? 40? 50? Does it ever really happen?

I don't want to be in high school anymore. I tossed that hat in the air 13 years ago and with it, I thought, all that superficial, selfish nonsense. I want to be real, 100%. I don't want to care what people think of me. I don't want to worry about friend security. I don't want to constantly compare myself to all the women around me.

I just want to live my life and be happy.

19 comments:

dandee said...

It's funny you're posting this today. I was just thinking this morning that I'm finally starting truly not care anymore. I'm not worrying so much about what others are thinking and focusing more on the people and things that matter most.

Also, speaking of twitter. Did you know it was possible to link up your twitter and facebook accounts? You hardly ever tweet anymore and I have a feeling it has something to do with facebook. :)

Rachael said...

I hate to be the the one that says this first, but I don't think it ever really ends. At least not in this world. I think our perspective changes, our priorities change...

I don't know, I guess maybe I don't know how to comment on a post as deep as this. This is more of a conversation to me.

We are imperfect women just trying to figure out life, and I am glad that I get to try and figure some of it out with you my friend. At least we laugh alot, and it isn't always at someone else's expense...

Alison said...

I think not caring is the wrong goal. I think the goal should be to keep it in perspective and don't let those things control your life any more than they should. Caring a little is beneficial. Caring a lot is emotional torture.

dandee said...

Alison, you're so wise. Said perfectly.

[M] said...

you crack me up...if you moved out of the tri-cities i think you would have a different perspective. nobody worries about that stuff here. but it's so big that you don't run in to people you know at the store... i decided in 7th grade (when the boys were passing around a paper rating girls' looks on a scale of 0-10, i was rated a zero)that i would never base my self worth or happiness on what other people thought of me, or how many friends i had. in fact, i think i have the opposite problem...i don't care enough about what other people think. which isn't good either i suppose?

Shayla said...

Hmmm...isn't this one of those "one day at a time" things? It is for me. Some days I really suck at this, some days I'm able to keep it all in perspective...one day at a time, I guess.

Brenda said...

Quick...think of something funny witty or cool to say....come one, come on, eh I got nothing, guess someone else will have to leave the funniest, wittiest or coolest comment today :(

Mike Brinkerhoff said...

Long Distance Dedication.

To: My Cousin Alicia

Song: "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup.

I've got ten years on you, and it's still going on... At this point I'm not sure it ever actually ends.

Alicia said...

Actually, M, it was a Utah blog about Utah people that made me realize it's like this everywhere, including here, at least in the young-Mormon-mom communities.

Noelle said...

my sister bec and i were talking about this one day and she said it's not that the other girl cares about 'said girl' it's the the 'said girl' thinks that other girl cares.
it is all in our brain. all of it. positive self talk. if you think other people are perfect, you are going to think they expect you to be perfect and there is the rub. don't expect others to be perfect, don't judge others and it will work backwards. I am 32 and I try to only care about what I want. not what i think other people care about for me. if i feel fat, i feel fat becuase i feel fat, not becuase i care what my neighbor thinks. does that make sense? and utah? um, yeah. it's the worst EVER. on the news a year or so back it was reported that utah has more plastic surgery than any other state in the nation. we mormons have issues with this whole perfect thing. issues.

[M] said...

what blog? seriouslysoblessed? one more reason for me not to move to utah (j-p just applied for a job there, not so happy about it...)

Alicia said...

M--yup.

[M] said...

i know this is a dumb question, but you know that blog is a spoof, right? it's one of my fav's...i seriously die laughing all the time. she is dead on, but after living in UT for six years, i can say that it is VERY exaggerated. but i feel like a total loser if i do/have anything she blogs about.

Alicia said...

M-exactly. A blog that makes fun of all the blogs that are actually like that. And I realize Utah is worse than most places, which is why it was especially disheartening to realize how similar it is here. I find that blog hilarious too--and genius--but also sad because it does ring too true to home!

tharker said...

I feel like just within the last year or two that I've finally gotten to the point where I don't feel the need to impress others all the time, or to worry about what they think of me. I used to worry ALL THE TIME of what others thought...of what I said, what I did, etc. (big surprise, right? ;)

It's coming slowly, but I truly love who I am. Sure, there are constantly things that I need to improve about myself, but I feel that pressure for myself, and not because of what others think.

Having said all of this, yes I agree that it really does seem like high school is the never ending story.

P.S.
On a totally unrelated note, can I add one more ticket for the movie to my "order"? I think I forgot to include myself ;)

tagskie said...

Nice blog you got here... Just droppin' by to say hi! http://www.arts-and-entertainment.info

Lina Andreia said...

I love your blog and your background. Good work.

Kamal Sharma said...

- It's like a dog chasing a car.
Love your writing and the lucid expression of thoughts. Keep at it.

Kanita said...

So true.... I miss the days I used to write my friends notes and leave it to them, instead of fb-msg ing or texting. So nice.

Especially for those who actually took time to develop their cursive (like me!) and are proud of their cursive have a limited number of places where they can practice and show off their pretty writing.

The art of writing handwritten letters- truly getting lost!