Monday, June 21, 2010

Dear Facebook Users...

Hi, blog. I haven't forgotten about you, I promise. Things have been pretty busy and, well, you're kind of a time suck. No offense. But I vow to do better, because I miss you and I want us to be friends again. So I had an idea to kick off our re-acquaintance. I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately, you see, stuff that is in no way important but in every way worth mentioning, in my opinion. In fact, that's exactly what it is--my opinion, on current hot topics. I've got a lot of them, and I realize this is the best place to get them out. Now, just to warn you, a lot of my opinions are negative and might ruffle some feathers, but, between you and me blog, I don't care. You are, after all, MY BLOG, and are therefore my platform for saying whatever I want. Which is why I love you.
So be prepared this week to be filled with rantings and ravings about whatever is getting me all hot and bothered these days.

To kick it off, here's one I've been working up for a while now. I present to you................................

DEAR FACEBOOK USERS

Dear Facebook Users:

Recently I've joined your cult, and while 90% of the time it brings me immense satisfaction, there are a few things I could definitely live without, things I think you need to know, that maybe you aren't aware of. Such as...

* An arrow pointing to the left and a three do not make a sideways heart. They make an arrow pointing to the left next to a three. And, even if it made a perfect sideways heart, or even a perfect heart going the correct way, every post does not need to include a heart, much less ten.

* I don't like having to guess what your cryptic status updates mean. If I have to comment to ask what it is you're talking about, you can bet I'm already moving on. Things such as "sigh" and "I give up" are not status updates. If I wanted a mystery, I'd go watch Sherlock Holmes again.

* Nobody wants to be told what to post on Facebook, or even asked to re-post something. The worst thing to ever be transferred to the online world is the chain letter, and you've managed to keep it alive and well with your requests to "make this your status update." The beauty of Facebook is to see everyone's original thought for the day (hour?), not one person's cheesy thought posted 15 times by 15 different people.

* I LOVE a good quote, especially a hilarious one. And no one appreciates a good random, meaningless musing now and then more than me. But if that is ALL you have to post, for say...a week? Maybe it's time to give the quote site a rest.

* Which brings me to my next one: You don't have to have a super interesting life to say something even mildly interesting. If all you have to say right then is "Ummmm....." or "Don't really have anything to say..." maybe don't post anything. It's OK. Facebook will still be there when you come back with something worth saying. And if you go to post and all you can think of is a variation of the same thing you have been posting day in and day out (such as, I don't know, how cute your kids are) here are some other suggestions: Likes, dislikes. I find them fascinating. Any opinions on ANYTHING current. Opens up a world of possibilities. Something funny your kids said/did (but this is important--it can't just be something you found funny, but something you're fairly certain other people will find funny too. There's a BIG difference.) There's just a few ideas.

* Do NOT (I repeat, NOT) use someone's wall as your personal soap box, or go off on whatever they posted in their comments. It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to make the person feel like an idiot. You can disagree and still be friends.

* And lastly, but certainly not least, I don't care about the barn you are building in FarmVille, or the magic eggs you found, or that your virtual puppy is starving. In fact, I'm gonna be the one to say it--I despise FarmVille and everything about it. I dream of a Facebook with no updates of pointless, time-wasting games. Of course, it's your prerogative to play them, but do we all have to know about every move you make in your make-believe world? I've never set foot in FarmVille, or PetWorld, or Mafia or any of the super awesome Facebook worlds, but I've been told you can actually select (or more importantly NOT SELECT) to show us all your many, many updates. Be a pal. Don't select. We will all love you for it.

So, Facebook User, those are just some things to consider. MY Facebook experience, if not everyone else's, would be oh so much better if all the offenders of aforementioned transgressions considered not, um, transgressing. Just something to think about.

Sincerely,
Alicia

P.S. I invite my blog readers to agree or disagree with any points on my list, and especially add any I might have forgotten!


13 comments:

[M] said...

first off, you know you can block all the stupid game updates from appearing on your feed, right? that's what i do. can't stand them. and look up the term "vaguebooking" in the urban dictionary. so funny.

andrea said...

I love the "hide" feature. There are a ton of friends I can't totally un-friend, but I just hide their stupid, downer updates (like my friend who listed, in detail, her marital problems each day).

It took me a while to stop worrying about making cute, clever status updates. But now I figure, if they don't like it they can un-friend or hide me- I'd never know!

Alicia said...

Yes--the "hide" button is fabulous...on my computer. Alas, there is none on my phone, which is the only place I go on fb.

thinking too much said...

hey alicia! if you like quotes for status updates on facebook, you should check out my page "thinkingtoomuch" i post some of my own stupid/querky/slightly thoughtful thoughts on there.
facebook.com/thinkingtoomuch is the url...
thanks alicia...i'm gonna def follow your blog

Shayla said...

Silly me, every time I've worried that my profile "saying" might sound stupid or annoying or not funny enough, I figured people are nicer than that. They won't scorn me. They'll just be glad to hear what I have to say. Now I know the truth. One of my very best friends totally scorns me in secret when she reads my FB profile. I just know it. I don't know if I'll survive this one. Facebook is really, really important to me. I mean, I REALLY love those games, Alicia. And seriously, you know I <3 you so much!!!

Marilyn said...

This is why I love you.

Oh, and because you're my cousin and I have to :)

And this is why I love twitter, because it eliminates many of those annoyances.

dandee said...

just more reasons to keep me from joining facebook.

can't wait to hear what else you have to say this week!

Dallin and Ashley said...

YES! Thank you! I agree with it all. Totally love it. Can't wait for the rest of your posts this week. This one was a gem. :)

Alicia said...

Shayla--You know I love to read anything you have to say!! This was not geared toward you! Don't you dare take this to mean you don't have interesting stuff to say. I seriously have friends on facebook (and by friends I mean family) that actually post "ummm" and "don't have anything to say" as their status update. That's who I was referring to crazy girl!

tharker said...

Love it, love it. And WHY is there not a hide feature when using the phone to check Facebook? I discovered this horrible reality when I got my new phone, and I despise it!

I do not care about Mafia Wars, Farmville, Fairytale island...Marshmallow Palace...Pony City... Oh wait, those aren't real Facebook games? My bad.

What else have you got up your sleeve this week? I can't wait!

Shayla said...

Oh come on, Alicia! You didn't recognize my sarcasm? I actually had to google how to type a heart with a keyboard to write that comment. I always wondered what the crap people were trying to say with an arrow and a 3. I'm so using it in every comment now that I know. Not only do I totally heart you, Alicia. I <3 you!

hatch said...

Coming from a girl who used to wonder why people ended sentences with a parenthesis, and a colon. :) You can only imagine how much the
<3 sign bugs me!

You crack me up Alicia!

Noelle said...

buwahahaha! just the other night i was listening to a comedian talking about stuff like this, about how we put 'LOL' so often and if we really acted like we post, everyone would be LAUGHING ON THE GROUND LAUGHING OUT LOUD all the time. how weird would that be? :)