Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dear Stephenie Meyer...


DEAR STEPHENIE MEYER,

It pains me to have to write you this letter, because everyone knows I am an adoring fan and you have been a huge inspiration to me in my writing career. But, as an adoring fan and fellow author, I feel I should let you know how I feel about a certain career move you've made recently, i.e. the novella you felt compelled to write and distribute to the masses called The Short Life of Bree Tanner. First of all, the fact that you call it a novella makes me laugh. I can't hear that word without picturing a dime store Spanish paperback romance novel with a Hispanic Fabio on the cover holding a scantily-clad Penelope Cruz look-alike in his arms.

Secondly, the title of your novella says it all--never was there a shorter life of a character in a novel than Bree Tanner. So short, in fact, that the minor detail of her last name was too insignificant to include. Did you forget? She was in exactly one chapter of Eclipse, not even the whole chapter. And yet you felt she needed an entire book dedicated to her story.

I'm just trying to understand it, Stephenie. Was it that you woke up one morning and decided you hadn't quite banked on the Twilight franchise enough? Or did you realize that the population of the planet had maxed out their obsession with the Cullen family, the hunky werewolf and the whining klutz known as Bella and so you needed to give them another Twilight character to focus their infatuation on? Okaaaay, I can maybe get on board with that, but...why Bree, the newborn vampire who shows up at the very end of Eclipse just in time to get her head ripped off? Why not Mike Newton's mom, or better yet, the bagger at the grocery store? Either character would be just as significant and worthy of their own story as Bree Tanner. I mean, really? Are we supposed to care about how she got changed into a vampire? I hate to ruin it for everyone, but here's a giant spoiler: she gets bit. When, where and under what circumstances? I. Don't. Care. How much don't I care? Well, you offered the novella online for free, and I'm still not gonna read it. Not out of spite, or pride, or any kind of self-respect, but because I am more interested in reading about mold spores or how to fold cardboard boxes than I am about Bree Tanner.

I also can't hep but notice your timing...releasing the book one month before Eclipse comes out in theaters. Which makes me think that your entire reason for writing/publishing/releasing The Short Life of Bree Tanner can be summed up in two words: cha and ching.

In the words of Gallaxhar: lame.

Sincerely,
Alicia

9 comments:

tharker said...

You took the thoughts right out of my head.

Shayla said...

Yep, can't make myself read it either. And I LOVE Stephanie Meyer and am always reading something, but still...I just can't do it. For the same reasons you say. I just don't care. Love the letter. You make me laugh.

McGriddle Pants said...

hells to the YES

Brenda said...

Watched Jimmy Kimmel special Twilight episode last night...though of you the whole time. I was not impressed with the personality of the cast members.

I was really going to read this Short second life book....novella....whatever....but after this I guess I wont, oh well.

Stacia said...

You are all missing out. I read it and really liked it. It was interesting to see the side of the "bad guys". Told about how the newborn colony happened and more info about Victoria. I liked what Stephenie said in the beginning of the book about having folders of each of the characters and Bree had an interesting one, but it didn't flow with Eclipse, so her character didnt grow in the book. And we really dont know if the publishers pushed to get it released before the movie. So saying it's all her I think is unfair. And the little newborn romance that is in it is quick but sweet to read about.

dandee said...

i love gallaxhar.

Noelle said...

I need to quote me some gallaxhar. he's one of my faves.
this whole 'novella' doesn't remind me of lust novels - no - it reminds me of one of those freaky contestants on the american idol try out episodes with all the freaks? yeah, this lady was one of those ones, where she thought she was amazing and her mom thought she was amazing and she kept saying that she was writing a 'novella' and i thought 'what in the heck is that? is that when you cant quite write an entire NOVEL?'
that's what i can't get over. that stephenie meyer wrote a novella. like the crazy lady on the american idol try out episode.
not good.
way to say it cuz.

Tamara said...

It's no secret that Mayer's characters are strong ones. Perhaps Mayer just felt as though she needed to tell Bree's storie in order to let Bree rest, In her( Mayer's) own mind, that is.

Have you ever created a sub character in one of your stories, who's backstory ( which only the author would know about) is so compelling that it must be told? Well, perhaps that is the case with Mayer's Bree.

Just my thoughts on the subject ( :

Enjoy your blog a great deal, by the way ( :
Have a great day!

Starlie said...

I scanned through the little story, it wasn't terribly interesting. But being the Devils advocate (who doesn't like to do that?) Meyer does explain why Bree and not Mike's mom.
A novella is simply a short story, which fits Bree's 2nd life: it's short.
I'm guessing the reason that it was released now is because Eclipse is when Bree makes her debut, I seriously doubt it was for the money. Does she really need it? and she put it on line for all to read for free.
Have a maavelous time at the theater tonight.