Saturday, September 20, 2008


*Can I please just first say how furious the spacing on Blogger makes me?

Sometimes I sit down to do This Week in Hollywood and it's fairly easy. Other times it takes me forever to come up with stuff. Sometimes it's dang hard. There are weeks where celebrities just aren't being funny. Or maybe I'm not. But one thing is always constant: every week as I click on picture after picture of the rich and famous, there are always faces that pop up again, and again, and.....again. I get so tired of seeing these people, whether it's because I just really don't like them or just because they are everywhere, that I thought this un-funny week I'd showcase these photog favorites.

Jessica Simpson

I've decided I only like Jessica Simpson when she's married. Newlyweds was on back in the day when I watched MTV, and I actually liked it. But once she and Nick broke up, well, she's not rockin' my favorite list. Her newest venture--country music--just makes me laugh. She started out as a Christian gospel singer. When that bombed, she went pop. When that bombed, she went all pure country on us. I'm anxiously awaiting her rap album.

Katie Holmes

Now, I actually like Katie. Her husband makes me want to chew glass, but Katie, I like. I think her daughter is adorable and I think she herself is classy. She's beautiful, fashionable, and poised, and handles the scrutiny well. So I guess this is a pity pick. I just don't like seeing her everywhere because it makes me sad. Look at that little girl hiding her face in her mommy's chest! She has had a camera in her face since she came out of the womb. Probably as she came out of the womb! Leave the poor child alone, and leave her mom alone as well. Go after the psycho dad, he deserves it. However, I have to say, Katie, not loving the hair. It was one thing to have matching mother/daughter haircuts, but matching husband/wife? Uh-uh.

Tori Spelling

Yes, I'm thrilled for her that she finally settled down and found happiness. What rubs me the wrong way is that she found that happiness by being a complete home-wrecker ("you can't help who you fall in love with" were her exact words I believe, or something close) and then displaying every single aspect of that relationship on reality show after reality show, as if we care. But, you know, the cute little word-play titles of each show make them totally worth watching, right? Her next show should be called: Tori Inn Dean-ial

The Jonas Brothers

I've already knocked their skinny jeans (but have yet to mention the uber-cool cowboy boots and hair that looks like it's permed) but haven't really delved much into just how annoying I find this trio. The fact that they can't seem to go anywhere without each other and proudly display their purity rings...I know these should be noble, admirable qualities, but for some reason it just weirds me out. Maybe if they all looked like the one with straight hair I would be more apt to enjoy pictures of them huddled together, grinning goofily at the camera.

Kim Kardashian

Okay, I don't know this chick at all. I know that she has or had a reality show about her family and I think they're rich and she's known for her ghetto booty. That's about it. She's on Dancing With the Stars now, and that's why she pops up in every fourth picture on, but does that mean I have to like it? Basically I can't stand it when reality "stars" get more press time than the A-list celebrities. I mean, I could go on America's Got Talent (I can pick stuff up with my toes, you know) but does that mean you all wanna start seeing pictures of me walking out of Walmart splashed all over the internet? I think not.

Matthew McConaughey

Oh, for the love of all that's shirtless...if I have to see another picture of Mac running, or surfing, or catching a frisbee on the beach I just might have to gag, and you all know that's saying a lot. We get it. The guy likes to be active. His motto is "break a sweat every day." He has his own clothing line called j.k. livin (stands for just keep livin'). He has an aversion to shirts. We don't need to see every picture that every photographer gets of him participating in said activities. Don't get me wrong, I think he's hot. But when he starts calling his baby boy his "love child" and saying he's going to be a "surfer dude" just like his daddy...I can actually smell the incense burning. Note to paparazzi: less is more.
Selena Gomez
This Disney princess is a newbie to the celeb scene, and already she gets more face time than Madonna. She's everywhere!! I'm sure to tweens she's the hottest thing since text messaging, but to me, she's another baby-faced, oh-so-innocent young girl that I neither know nor care about. And call me a pessimistic, but I can't help but look at these girls and imagine the headlines they'll be creating in five years. (Or much sooner...can you say Vanessa Hudgens?)

And then of course we have the givens...the trainwrecks that continue to grace the headlines time and time again. Although they definitely provide entertainment (after all, isn't it people like this that keep us so shamelessly coming back for more?), it gets to the point where I'm like, "Really? Another picture of _________?" Come on, get some new life in here. This is all old news, even if they're still making news. I'm so ready to move onto the next scandal.

Britney Spears

She's starting to become normal again, and I'm bored of her already.
Lauren Conrad

Sorry, Rach, I just don't like her!! Every time I get online she's there, staring me in the face, saying "Look at me! Look at me!" NO, Lauren, I will NOT look at you. So there.

Paris Hilton

The only celebrity who consistently wears clothes with her own name and face emblazoned across the front, she was actually quoted this week as saying: "When you have your BlackBerry taken away, it's like the most painful thing ever." This was her answer to the question of what the hardest part of jail was. Oh, Paris. You continue to make our world a better place by allowing us to take your picture and look at you. Thank you, thank you.


dandee said...

Best line: Tori Inn Dean-ial. Love it!

marisa said...

Come on Alicia, you know you would've liked the Jonas Brothers in middle/highschool...I know I would have. Great "week in hollywood"!

Shayla said...

Oh would we ever know how dumb people actually can be if it weren't for her? She really said that about her blackberry? Seriously, when I think she can't be any more ridiculous, she opens her mouth again. Oh, and I just loved the Tori Inn Dean-ial...that was just too clever.

Noelle said...

heh heh. you are so funny. my favorite? imagining the paparazzi snapping pictures of you picking up stuff with your toes while in the wal-mart parking lot. you ARE talented!

Amy J. said...

The sad thing...some of those people you mentioned are everywhere...I have never even seen before!

JenFielding said...

You totally nailed the Katie Holmes post. I agree word for word. Dean-ial...hilarious.

Side note: I watched Baby Mama with Cory last weekend. We were rolling on the ground. That is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Thanks for the recommendation.

AOlson said...

I am totaly with you on the Jessica Simpson thing. She drives me nuts!!!

Heather said...

Paris' pouty lip thing is soo annoying and Katies hair is horrific.

Nancie said...

I totally agree with you on all counts. You nailed it.

I cant stand Tori. How does a girl who has a messed face get to be a tv star...oh yeah daddy.

Lisa said...

M.M. I just say if he just has to be EVERYWHERE being all active and stuff...for the love, just take the shirt off!

Oh and most people can pick things up with their toes, I think what you failed to mention was that you can pick up furniture with yours.

Alicia said...

Har har har, Lisa, hilarious!