Wednesday, December 3, 2008

10 Things Revealed In Twilight The Movie That Were Never Revealed In The Book


1. Edward drove a hatchback. Oh no he di'n't! I can't tell you how disturbed I am by the car he drove in the movie. Edward would never drive a hatchback.



2. Forks is a racially diverse place. Funny how Stephenie led us to believe that Forks is made up two kinds of people: White and whiter. Who knew Tyler Crowley was black? Or Laurent?! I'm pretty sure "dreadlocks" don't appear anywhere in the text.


3. Bella has an affinity for flannel. (And bowling shirts?) Oh, I get it, because it's Northwest Washington, right? So obviously all the high-schoolers are rockin' oversized, plaid flannel shirts, Cobain-style. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Twilight producers, but grunge hasn't been cool since Smells Like Teen Spirit was topping the charts.



4. Vampires fly Superman-style. It was never mentioned that Edward soared from tree to tree--vertically, no less--or scaled trees with his hands and feet. Those close up shots of their faces as they're soaring through the air, Bella's hair flying, look exactly like Clark Kent and Lois Lane did (even the quality of the special effects, which, I'm sorry, should be better than a movie made in 1978). What's at the top of my Christmas Wish List? A nice, fat budget for New Moon. And no more vampires flying from tree to tree.



5. Jacob has fangs. Who knew? You'd think this would be something Stephenie would have felt compelled to share with us. A werewolf with fangs? Intriguing. Maybe Jacob is actually some new mythological creature--half vampire/half werewolf. So--just humor me here--once Renesmee is finally old enough to hook up with Jacob (which should be about any time now) and they procreate, their offspring would be, what? A half werewolf/half vampire/half human with the only real set of fangs? I smell sequel!



6. Bella's friends were cool. Interesting how Stephenie kept Jessica's humor a secret, (or the fact that she was entertaining in any way) never spoke of Angela's glasses or 92 lb. body, and failed to mention that Eric Yorkie was a "hip, attractive Gaysian." (Okay, I stole that line from another website.) Seriously, who knew Bella's friends were actually people we'd want to hang out with?


7. Edward has chest hair. It's funny, but in all 9,572 descriptions of Edwards cold, hard, glistening, marble-like, gleaming, muscular (jump in at any time) chest, I don't recall ever seeing the word hairy. It could very well have been there, though, slipped in among the myriad adjectives, and no one would ever have noticed. I just can't take Edward's "perfect" body seriously with fuzz poking out the top of his shirt. Now, I don't promote shaving or waxing of chest hair by any means, but I think in this case, where someone is portraying an immortal character with skin made of smooth stone and the sexiest chest known to man, maybe waxing should have been on the to-do list for Rob's hair and makeup. You know, right after "muss hair" and "apply lipstick liberally."



8. Bella wears makeup. Speaking of lipstick, I find it hilarious that in the books, neither Bella nor Edward wear a stitch of makeup, and yet in the movie, they both do. In Edward's case, he's wearing red lipstick like nobody's business, obviously to attain the whole vampire look. As for Bella, she's not just wearing "movie makeup" that all actors have to wear. No, her character is actually wearing lipstick, mascara, and eye shadow. I love this, because it's like they read in the book that Bella didn't wear makeup (according to Edward, she didn't "need to." Blech.) and thought, "yeah, right" (just like all the rest of us did) and decided to make her a normal teenage girl who wouldn't be caught dead leaving the house without makeup.



9. Forks High School students are health conscious. I dare you to find a scene in the movie where one of the teenagers is eating anything resembling junk food. Apparently in Forks you're not cool unless you're eating a salad, veggies, or a garden burger. Bella's a vegetarian? Was that supposed to be some kind of tongue-in-cheek comparison to the Cullen's eating habits? There wasn't a single shot of any kid eating a hot dog, hamburger, pizza, etc. Nope, it was salad, vegetables, and salad for these kids. And salad. They even have Rosalie munching on a carrot! What the heck?! Details, people, details.



10. Vampires love monkey references. Two quotes that didn't make it into the book, but sadly, made it into the movie: EDWARD: "You better hold on tight, spider monkey." ROSALIE: "My monkey man." Uh.....awkward. Weird. Not funny. What's with the monkeys? Here's one that didn't make it into the final cut: BELLA: "Edward, I want to be like you. Change me. Change me now." EDWARD: "Yeah, when monkeys fly out of my butt." Where was that one?!

Oh, and I just have to add that this is Edward's car, as chosen by Stephenie Meyer, taken right off her website:

Look at that--NO HATCHBACK!!

21 comments:

tharker said...

This is even better than This Week in Hollywood! Good job Alicia!!!

{ bRee } said...

I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but I still found this very funny!

marisa said...

Yay! Thanks Alicia for posting. I totally caught the "healthy eating" habits also. I remember how I ate in highschool, and it wasn't like that! I didn't like the "Spider Monkey" comment either....but since I haven't read the books, I can't relate with alot here. I better get these books for Christmas! ;)

Busy Bee Lauren said...

The hatchback killed me too...but still he made it hott with his very Edward presence.

Seriously, those Movie Cullens loooove monkeys.

For real, I think they were pushing vegetarianism AND going green on us...big time. Thanks, but no thanks.

lindsay>boo said...

Ha! Love this post! I was thinking the same things about the friends, and the car. I thought the friends were cool in the movie. I liked Jessica--she was funny. "Hip, attractive Gaysian" totally made me laugh. Oh, and I liked #10. Too true!

Alicia said...

Lindsay--I totally thought of you when I wrote Gaysian, which sounds bad, but you know what I mean. I'm glad you found it funny, I thought you might.

Noelle said...

hee hee ha ha ha. you are toooooooo good. love it all. thanks for taking the time. awesome. his car, they will deffinately have to change that, right after they fire jasper.

Rachael said...

You know what else?! In the picture of them scaling the tree, Edward's pants were dirty, and if I am not mistaken, that never happened. No matter what situation he was in, I thought he always came out looking spotless and perfect.....Am I right? Or do I just think I remember this?

meohmyers said...

This was a great post! I bet it took you forever! So funny! You already know pretty much everything I think about this movie so I'll spare you again! We keep finding more and more things everytime we see it! :)

AOlson said...

Thsi was SO good Alicia!! Thank you so much! You really are the movie queen, aren't you?!

debsters said...

Of course you know that I have no idea about any of this, but I find it fascinating anyway. You're the queen alright!

andrea said...

LOL!! I kept laughing and Addie thought I was laughing at her stupid TV show. That was SO FUNNY!

I totally agree about the car, when they first showed it I couldn't believe it. That was NOT Edward's car.

I actually liked the casting choice for Laurent, it wasn't what I had imagined while reading, but I thought it worked great.

Brenda said...

I have to admit...I think I liked this post better than the entire movie (I would say both the movie and the book, but I think I might get put on the naughty list for that one ;)

Marilyn said...

Alicia, I ABSOLUTELY love this post. That car is so much cooler than the one they used in the movie...why would they make stupid changes like that????

JenFielding said...

Alicia, the sweet thing about your original post and everyone's comments was that I went in with low expectations and loved it. Plus, it's been 1.5 years since I read Twilight so I was shady on the details so I didn't catch any of these things you listed except for the monkey comments. Those were ridiculous.

P.S. Did everyone see Stephenie in the diner scene?

JenFielding said...

Oops, I forgot to write how funny I thought this post was.

I thought this post was very funny.

Alicia said...

Yes, I saw Stephenie and was so surprised, I was not expecting that at all. I kind of think it was cheesy.

Amy J. said...

Great post! The first thing I noticed, the second Jacob showed up were his fangs! They were too obvious to miss!

Andre said...

Amen!! There were a lot of things that I wondered, "Why did they do that?" That's not in the book." Why do they have to change mild details that really do make a difference?

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I keep re-reading this post over and over. I love it. I do NOT love Rob's happy trail though.

ЏйbŖĕåķâβĹë said...

Whoa..

Catchy eyes, probadly the first time I saw that's so into the Twilight movie..

Thanks for finally proving there's more reasons to say the movie's not as good as the book