Thursday, September 17, 2009
I'm feeling broken. Broken in mind, body and spirit. If you talk to me, I probably seem the same, but inside, life is hard right now.
It begins with the physical aches and pains and general unwellness, which reaches its creeping, grabbing fingers into my soul and twists and wrenches.
My body hurts and my heart and mind are sad. The days are getting colder and darker and this makes it hard to tell my heart to feel happy. Instead it feels heavy. Very heavy.
It is weighed down with various life things, such as trying to be a better parent and failing every time.
It is weighed down by wanting to give advice and help but failing because I myself am in no position to give it.
It is weighed down by seeing people hurting and wanting to help but not knowing how because if I did I would cure myself.
It is weighed down by the pain in my head, the overall feeling inside my body, the fight to keep my eyes open at any given time.
I know it could be worse. I know people suffer far more than I do. I know that life can't always be sunshine and smiles. I know this.
But it still hurts, and today I'm not going to try and hide it.