Who Needs Sitcoms When You Live With This Guy?

How did I not have these pictures as part of my earlier tribute to my crazy husband? I just came across them, and had to put them on. These are some pictures of Bill throughout the years doing typical "Bill" stuff.

Here is where we dressed up as hippies for our first Halloween together and Bill insisted on the black fro and the fake chest hair!

Yup. He wanted to see what it would be like to fill Mr. Potato Head's shoes.
























This was while we were stuck in the hospital in Utah waiting for Macy to be born. He disappeared into the bathroom and came out a few minutes later like this. In case you can't tell, he's got a surgical glove over his head and is blowing out. It scared the crap out of me (hello, suffocation?) but not enough to keep me from grabbing my camera.

Besides being crazy in his waking hours, Bill also manages to be very entertaining in his sleep. He has always had weird sleep problems. As a kid he would get out of bed at exactly 11:00pm on the dot, come tearing downstairs screaming bloody murder, through the family room where his parents would be watching tv, then go screaming back upstairs, get back into bed and go back to sleep. He never remembered it in the morning. He did this every night. It's a form of sleep-walking, and he still has it.

I can't count the number of times he's woken me up in the middle of the night saying the most absurd things. Shortly after we got married, I woke up and saw him holding up the blankets above him, forming a little tent above him. He started yelling at me, "Is this my monkey cage?" I thought he was kidding, he looked wide awake, so I just laughed. WRONG thing to do. He got more mad and yelled louder, "IS THIS MY MONKEY CAGE?!" Starting to freak out, I finally said, "No." He dropped the sheets down and said, "That's all I needed to know." And went back to sleep.

The next morning he explained his sleeping issues and I didn't fully believe him. He had been looking right at me, talking completely normally! (except for the ridiculous topic of conversation.) Not too much later, when he was working at US Bank, he woke me up and asked me where the "entrance to the deposit slip" was. Huh? Now it had gotten freakier because he would now look me right in the eye and say, "I'm wide awake, I swear, I'm not asleep." But continue his insane babblings.

The best ones happened at our old house, though. One time I woke up to find him sitting up in bed with the sheets over his head. Just sitting there, covered up. I asked him what he was doing and he said a bee was trying to get him. (He's very allergic.) Another time he woke me up by swiping the air above me and said there was a spider. He then rolled over and went back to sleep. I lay there for the next ten minutes in terror, wondering if he really had seen a spider. The worst part was that every single time he would look me in the eye and swear he was wide awake. Then he'd go on for another minute or so making no sense at all, and then suddenly, this look of realization would come over his face and he'd say, "I just did it again, didn't I?" "Yup," I'd say. And he'd make me swear not to tell anyone, but he would always end up telling people, cause it's so hilarious.

It hasn't happened in a long time, and nighttime's just boring now. I promise to blog the next time it does, though.