Friday, January 23, 2009

Something Is Rotten In The State Of Washington

And it's coming from my fridge. Or my freezer. I can't tell which. They both reek. My kitchen smells like the Bog of Eternal Stench. I have investigated and investigated and I give up. I extracted everything I thought it could possibly be, and I still gag every time I open the fridge door. Which, it turns out, is about 5,932 times a day. You never realize how often you go to your fridge until you almost pass out every time you have to do it. And it's not like the smell goes away once the door is closed. No, it lingers, for at least 3 minutes afterward. My whole kitchen is permeated with the smell of something resembling rotten broccoli. Awesome.

Even my freezer reeks, and it's all...frozen!! How can various clumps of ice smell like a decaying animal carcass? I don't know if the smell is leaking from the fridge to the freezer, or the freezer to the fridge, but either way, if it's spreading from one ridiculously cold enclosed box to the other, it's pretty bad.

This would be cause for anyone to go a little crazy. But for me, it's like my own personal hell. I loathe bad smells. I always have. I know that no one likes bad smells, but I really can't tolerate them. We took a field trip to the humane society my senior year of high school to rescue a dog, so, not only were we in the smelliest building in town, we were in the smelliest room in the smelliest building in town. I don't know which was more overpowering, the urine smell or the wet dog smell. Anywho, I don't remember anything about rescuing that dog. I was concentrating so hard on not throwing up in front of my classmates that I wasn't aware of anything else.

There's a picture of me as a kid at the Woodland Park Zoo, standing there crying. (I can't find said picture, probably because it's in slide form along with the rest of my childhood pictures.) Was I crying because it was time to go home? Was I crying because my mom said I couldn't get a stuffed zebra souvenir? No, I was crying because we were standing next to the horses and the smell of manure was overpowering. So I was bawling. Apparently my parents thought it was funny and saw a Kodak moment.

So you see, my malodorous kitchen is torturing every fiber of my being. My poor husband hears about it every time someone opens the fridge. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY WHAT THE FREAK IS IT??!!"

I will find you, mystery odor, I will. And when I do...you and your foul-smelling, offensive smell won't know what hit you.

20 comments:

Kate said...

yeah, fridge smells gross me out too. The mixture of all the different foods, yuck.
We had this happen a couple months ago, I was so embarrassed by it! I went and bought a brand new box of baking soda, opened it up and put it in there and soon the smell was gone..........still don't know where it came from.
Good luck.....hope you figure out what it is!

NaDell said...

That happened to us a few years ago. It was from the pumpkin that we put on top of the fridge to keep out of reach for our 1 1/2 year old. It only took a couple weeks for the inside of the pumpkin to rot and stink SO bad! It was awful!
I hope you find the rotten smell soon. Did you move the fridge to make sure there wasn't anything underneath?

Rachael said...

Seriously, there is nothing worse than a smelly fridge. I hate the way the smell wafts about the room as soon as you close the door. I have been known to throw away perfectly good dishes and tupperware just so I didn't have to open it and clean it out.

Dallin & Ashley said...

Seriously Alicia, I am laughing so hard right now! That post just made my day. (Sorry to find pleasure in your misfortunes.) Your writing style is so awesome. I had visions of you in my head the whole time I was reading the look on your face as you or someone else opens your fridge is just amazing. Thanks for the laughs :)

Dandee said...

Sooo...does the smell bother you?

M-A said...

We had this problem in college once and it took forever to figure it out. It turned out that one of our roommates was putting the empty egg shells back in the carton. Maybe so she could see if people were stealing her eggs? Who knows. It made for a wretched smelling fridge.

andrea said...

Whew, I thought you were going to say you could smell the awful smells coming from my house all the way over there!

meohmyers said...

Gross. I feel for you. Hope you get to the bottom of this. The stinky, rotton bottom of this.

Kristi said...

Yuck. My fridge is beginning to emanate an odor, as well. I hate cleaning out my fridge, but it's on my to do list for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. I hope you get the stench out soon!

meohmyers said...

It's bugging me that I misspelled rotten up there. But without an edit button, there's no way to fix it. When our kids had poopy diapers, that's what we'd call them, Rottenbottom. I thought it was funny to put it together in my comment but you wouldn't get it unless I clarified. I'm just babbling now.

Amy said...

Sick! I, too, hate bad smells. Especially wet dog. Sick. Have you tried keeping an open box of baking soda in your fridge? That's supposed to absorb bad smells. Until you find what it is, it's worth a shot, right?

PRP said...

My kitchen currently smells like pee although no one will claim going to the bathroom over by my stove...I can relate.

Elise Peterson: said...

Anything that smells like the Bog of Eternal Stench is bad news! Good luck on finding the perp!

Lisa said...

did you check behind your fridge? every winter our van smells like cat pee...you know, when everything gets all wet and stuff? have no idea why, never owned a cat...but it's truly embarrassing.

ashley said...

Oh yuck! I feel for you, I'm no good with smells either, they make me gag so bad. Good luck investigating the evil stench, maybe while your looking for the smell you could pretend your a vampire and your getting a whiff of Jacob....

Noelle said...

oh man, this is hilarious. well, you are hilarious in the telling of the not so hilarious smelling.
try under the vegetable drawers. you never know what can fall down there. it's like losing socks in the dryer.

tharker said...

The Bog of Eternal Stench...you are SO hilarious!!!

I am crazy when it comes to finding the bad smell. And here's why. Oh, this is so embarrasing.

Growing up, I never thought our house smelled. Sure, none of my friends ever wanted to come over and always insisted on me coming to their house instead....why oh why didn't I catch on then? A few weeks after we were married, we went to my parent's house for dinner, and upon walking through the door, I was assaulted with a horrid smell. I asked my parents what in the world that smell was, and they had no clue!

Then it dawned on me. I lived in stinky house growing up and I never knew it. THIS is why I'm so paranoid about smells and will do ANYTHING to find it and get rid of it.

Good luck rooting out the smell.

Melissa Mae said...

I am the SAME way with smells. And that thing about the zoo? Mae was the same way at the farm last year. She just kept dry heaving by all the animals!

Jodi said...

I so love reading your posts Alicia! They're so entertaining. I hope that you find whatever it is.

Heather said...

This is exactly how i feel with my bathrooms when I'm prego. Everyone says they smell fine, but HATE going into them because they are so nasty smelling to me.